My Favorite Photo (Trigger Warning)

Let me be up front about this...I don't really know if I want to be writing this post. It's been swimming around in my head for ages and I know it's a topic that could create hope or change or empowerment for some people, so I should post it.

But it's also really private. Not to those who have known me a long time, not really; but it's not something I talk about much even with them. And while I do share a lot of my life here on the blog, there are some parts that I try not to delve into.

Still, I feel like sometimes being brave means putting things out there, and I've been wanting to put this out there for months. So here it is.

This is my favorite running photo.

It was taken after the Space Coast Marathon as I sat, recovering and crying a little, covered in glory and friends and flowers, sporting my brand new medal. Victorious.

The words on my arms are words from my sister, who wrote me a heart-wrenching good luck card, and Matt, whose usual blunt encouragement leaves no room for disagreement.

And those words, scrawled on my arms before I set off to do something totally life-affirming, something that epitomizes strength and determination, are written over dozens of self-inflicted scars.

You can barely tell in the photo. Most people don't really notice them in person, or if they notice, they have the tact not to ask about them.

But I see them. When I look at this photo, my eyes zero in on this strange meeting of my greatest time of weakness and my greatest moment of strength.

When I look at this photo, I see what my life was and what it has become. I am so grateful; I am humbled; I am in awe. I created those scars during a time in my life when I never imagined I could ever have the strength to turn my pain into something worthwhile. And here they are, obscured by words that prove the simple truth that, yes, I was able to do just that.

I don't know where my running will continue to take me, but I do know that it has already impacted my life in so many ways, and this picture is just one example of how completely I have changed...in part thanks to this sport and all it has given me. This March was my 10th anniversary of being..."clean", I guess you'd say. Some days are harder than others, and on those days, I run.

I know running has changed many of my runner-friends' lives for the better. Do you have a story to share?

ABK

Books, Boards, and Big Decisions

At my school, we have a daily break of 15 minutes during which everyone pauses to read from a book of their choice. Students are expected to read 50 books by the end of the year (give or take, depending on length and complexity) and teachers are expected to read 30.

As I've taken time off from running, I've been spending more time with my books. I don't mind that; I'm a voracious reader. I was reading a lot of non-fiction earlier this school year, but now I've gone back to my roots.

My all-time favorite has always been Stephen King, and I've been indulging my obsession quite a bit this month.

I had to reread this one, because the sequel came out and it's been too long!

It's been awhile since SK has written real horror, and this was just what the doctor ordered!

Hey, fall is meant to be spooky, right?

I'm in the middle of this one. Slow at first, but once it picks up, it's awesome.

I've also begun reading Joe Hill's novels. (Hill is King's son, and his books are gory and gruesome and creepy and fun.)

Well-written and eerie. I highly recommend this one, and "Horns".

This week, Matt installed a sound system for a paddleboarding store. As part of his payment, he traded for a paddleboard and paddle for me! I'm psyched. We went to the beach today and I got to use my very own board for the first time ever.

His 'n hers at the beach. (Mine is the BOGA!)

Knowing this is my board helped me feel a lot more comfortable on it. I even dealt with some pretty big swells and didn't fall off. It felt great to get some exercise and spend time outside.

I'm at the beach in October. Jealous?

As far as running goes, I've come to a final decision. I'm going to run a 10k on October 19 and a 15k on the 26th. These are both races I've done before and love. I'm planning to drop to the half from the full for the November race.

I'm disappointed, but I also need to face reality. I'm not ready for the full; I've had too many setbacks. I'd rather run the half and enjoy it than struggle through a full I'm not ready for, possibly injuring myself and definitely doing some mental damage, too.

In January, I set my resolutions. My original goal this year was to run an "extra-long" long run to see how it felt, and then decide on if a full was in my future. I've accomplished that much.

My 2013 NY Resolutions.

This will also allow me to be fully recovered and ready for Ragnar in February.

Running is a life-long commitment. I don't want risk being able to run for a long, long time. In the long run (haha), this is one season that got a little off-track, but there will be many seasons to come.

How do you enjoy spending your downtime?
Are you a big reader? Recommend something to me!

ABK

Just the Facts

I ran exactly zero miles last week.

I'm frustrated by my foot. When I take my pills, my stomach is too ravaged to run. When I don't take them, the pain creeps back and is just as devastating.

My interest level in completing my full in five weeks has dwindled to almost non-existent.

I'm seriously considering running the half instead, and pushing a full to December...more time to heal and rest.

I'm reading my blog list, but am too busy to leave meaningful comments, so I've been incommunicado.

My failure to complete my long run last weekend because of the baseball game from hell has basically sapped me of all motivation. That mental whammy went pretty deep.

Today was the first day I woke up and had even a little urge to run.

I'm worried I won't have time for a real taper because of the two long runs I've missed.

I'm trying to stay positive, but right now I feel like I'm in survival mode.

Keep on chugging, friends. I'm not sure what my plan is as of right now, but I'm seriously weighing my options and trying to be realistic.

ABK