Failure Feeds Success

The impetus for this post came courtesy of Beammco, whose March newsletter called for funny or inspiring story submissions from runners. It's been awhile since I've written a long, thoughtful blog post. It's been awhile since I've had cause to think about training and where it's taken me. My running is so different these days than it used to be, and this felt like a wonderful opportunity to reflect.

It's hard to choose just one story to share. Do I go with the funny story (maybe the time a baby squirrel fell on my head mid-run), or do I tug at the heartstrings? In the end, I have to go with inspiration, because more than anything, I think inspiring others to overcome obstacles is what runners truly have to offer the world.

In 2014, I ran my first full marathon. I diligently followed a training plan and avoided setting a goal because everything I had read advised against setting a time goal for your first marathon. I ran it; when I crossed the finish line, I was a different person than when I crossed the start. But this story isn't about my first marathon.

In 2015, I felt I knew what I was made of. I decided to run another marathon and I decided that this time, I could set a time goal. My training was perfect; I shocked myself by checking off every workout and owning the long runs. I felt I was truly capable of PR'ing. However, as race day loomed, something became clear: the unpredictable weather that is December-in-Florida threw off my plan. I tried to take it in stride, but that was basically impossible. I came dangerously close to quitting at the halfway point; I fought through it and finished my second marathon with a significantly slower time than my first. I was disheartened. I was embarrassed. I doubted myself in a way I hadn't in years.

But that's not really what this story is about, either.

What this story is about is my comeback marathon.

Every year, I run a specific race that falls on my birthday weekend. That year, 2016, that race was a mere two months after my disastrous second marathon. I planned to run the half, and I half-heartedly trained for it. In the back of my mind, I wondered if I should run the full, since I was basically trained up for it. If anything, the two months between Marathon 2 and Race Day were like an extended taper. I had every reason not to upgrade my race distance: I was burned out. I was still mentally raw from the last marathon. My foot kind of hurt.

I talked the ears off all my running friends, who gave me sound advice, but I was still undecided. Then, the night before the race, I went to pick up my bib. I took it from the check-in table and, without giving myself time to think, immediately walked over to the line where I could upgrade my half marathon to a full.

I didn't really tell anyone except my parents, husband, and one or two of those advice-y running friends.

I want to tell you race day was perfect. It wasn't. It was hot and incredibly windy; at one point, I really thought I was going to get blown off-course. The high winds made breathing difficult, and the sun cooked the asphalt from mile nine to 26.2. But there were so many highlights, and as I passed by the turn-around for the half and went on to the full marathon course, my heart felt light. My mind felt clear. I felt totally at ease.

At mile 20, my sister met me with a Coke. (If you look through the full recaps for these races, you may start to wonder if Coke sponsors my finisher pics.) At mile 22, I glanced at the pacing tattoo on my arm and knew I was going to get my PR. At mile 24, a seagull caught in the gale nearly hit me on the head. At mile 26, I heard my husband cheering for me. And as I crossed the finish line, I began to cry.

This marathon proved something to me: progress is not perfect, and failure feeds success. We can grow, we can get stronger, we can take risks and face fears and tackle hurdles and still fall short. But we have to keep going. Nothing worth fighting for comes easily.

The day after that third marathon, I turned 30. I said goodbye to my 20s with a lesson I think all young people should learn: we may have setbacks, but if we fight for glory — whatever that looks like for each of us, personally —we can prove to ourselves how strong we are, and we can inspire others in the process.

ABK

My First Skirt

How's this for something a little different for today's Tuesdays on the Run link up? About a month ago it was my turn to share my "first skirt" story on Skirt Sports's blog. It was a fun experience to write for a different blog and to contribute to the Skirt community.

If you're interested in reading my post about getting my first skirt, click below!

Click here to read the full story!

Looking back on this experience, I realized that wearing my running skirts will always be a connection to my mom and my first marathon. It's funny how even the simplest material things can evoke so many memories and emotions, and take on more than just their physical meaning.

(By the way, if you want to treat yourself, Skirt Sports is having their 70% off sale right now, and as always you can use ABK20 on regularly priced items for a 20% discount, too. I wish I lived somewhere colder because their Toasty collection looks amazing.)

Tell me about a simple gift you've received that's taken on more meaning for you.

ABK

Marathon Thoughts

I'm not planning to run a marathon anytime soon, but watching all my friends' training has got me thinking! For today's TOTR, I'm reflecting on marathon training and what works best for me.

Despite running three marathons, I can't decide if I've figured out what works best for me. For my first (Space Coast), I felt pretty prepared, but I had no idea what I was actually getting into. I ran a single 20-miler and took an entire week off. Then, I ran an 18-miler and ended up tapering drastically because it took so much out of me, and in retrospect I wondered if I had missed too many runs or taken it too easy too early.

Really, there's nothing like the first one, is there?

For my second (BDR), I went in feeling over-prepared and strong but totally got my ass handed to me by the weather. I only ran one 20-miler for that race, too, but I did multiple 16-18 mile runs and didn't drop the ball on training after any of them. Still, there's no way to know if those extra long runs and the prescribed, gradual taper were good for me or not because of race day conditions.

Smiling, but not really that happy.

For my third (A1A), I used BDR as a training run and did a 20-miler a few weeks out as part of my training. After that, I dropped out of training a bit and had what was basically a repeat of Space Coast's extreme, sudden taper. If you recall, I wasn't even planning to run the full until the day before race day. That marathon ended up being my PR.

Now I can't help but wonder if BDR was an excellent addition to my training plan for A1A or if it didn't make a difference at all!

I think what I'm beginning to wonder about is the benefit of the 20-miler. Other than mental strength, does it do much? Does it actually break down my body too much? Or is it a good training strategy for me, seeing as it seems to have paid off in the last race? Should I actually be looking at doing a 22 or 24 miler as my longest run, to help give my body and mind more fortitude, or is less better?

My runner friends using Hansons seem to like that their long runs top out at 16 miles; the double long runs on weekends mean more overall weekly distance than I've ever put in for marathon training, and I wonder which would work better for my body: running 20 milers but topping out at 35 weekly miles, or keeping long runs shorter but getting up into 40-mile weeks.

I know that for my lifestyle, running six days a week and not having any time on weekends to sleep in (because of the back-to-back long runs) wouldn't work for me. But when I get back to marathon training eventually, I think it would be worth it to really do my research on tapering, maximum weekly miles, and long run times vs. distance.

I love that the marathon is a new beast every time you run one. Even experienced marathoners understand that 26.2 miles leaves a lot of room for error and even if the stars align, you really need to rely on your best training to get you through it. I wonder how many more of these things I'll need to run before I know what truly works best for me!

What are your thoughts on:
-distance vs. time for long runs?
-the 20-miler vs. back-to-back long runs?
-long, intense taper vs. gradual/shorter taper?
-true fatigue/over-training vs. under-training?

ABK

One And Done? & the Spartan Race Winner!

Today's topic for TOTR really spoke to me...in a way that made me laugh! I've never been a "one and done" runner. I never even said it about my first marathon. I knew that no matter how it went, I'd want to run at least two.

I'm joining Erika and the ladies for TOTR!

But really, I was tickled by this topic because I'm notorious for running the same races over and over again. I have so many duplicate bibs and medals from local races - especially 5ks - because I just love a familiar, nearby course! Here are some notable repeats in no particular order (all the race recaps can be found on My Races page):

Sanibel Race for FISH 10k. This is my favorite 10k and I've run it four years in a row. I plan to run it again this year and I'll be dragging Elizabeth along as well. The course is beautiful and always a joy to run. This is my most-often repeated race because they've never changed anything about it and the date (early October) is always easy for me to fit into my schedule.

My PR is on this course and I hope to break it here again this year.

Race the Roof 8k/15k. This race is absolutely gorgeous. It winds through lots of vegetation and over boardwalks. The inaugural year they offered a 5k and 8k, and after that they bumped the 8k to a 15k. I missed it in 2014 and 2015 because they don't advertise registration very well and I always miss it, but I plan to repeat it a third time this fall.

The Fast and the Furriest 5k. This was the first race I ever ran alone. I loved that the course was the same as the Race for the Cure course, so I knew it really well and could plan my strategy by it. I ran it the next year with my friend Kim, who drove over from the other coast to visit and run it with me, and that's another reason this race has such good memories for me. They moved it in 2014 and now it's too far for me to drive for a 5k, so I don't run it anymore, but I'll always think of it fondly.

A1A half/marathon. When I ran this half in 2015, it was on my birthday and I was getting over some sickness. I was surprised by how strong I felt and how much I enjoyed the entire course. Obviously I returned this year and surprised myself (and everyone else) by running the full. Again, I loved every step of the course. I'm debating going back next year for logistical reasons, but this is definitely one I like to repeat.

ALSO Youth Turkey Trot. I really loved this race when it was a 10k, but when they got rid of the 10k option I ran the 5k once and lost my love for it. Running over a HUGE bridge twice in a 5k is just too much to ask of me; I'm not against running it, but it hasn't been a priority for me over the last couple years. I do love the cause it supports, though, so I hope they bring back the 10k option eventually.

Shark's Tooth 10k. The Shark's Tooth is a 10k I've run more than once but probably won't run again. Last year it was just too hot! The first time I ran it was as the last race in a series challenge, and it was fairly cool out and a nice race. The next year, it was downright brutally hot. I wish it weren't an April race because the course is lovely and the medal is cute, but there's no shade during the entire 10k and the start time is after sunrise, so it's just too hot for me to truly enjoy.

Pretty course...but no shade at all! In April in Florida, that's a deal-breaker.

These factors make me want to repeat a race: location, cost, swag, and my own personal experience on the course. If I had a magical time out there, I'll probably be back for the next one!

PS: The winner of the FREE entry to the Spartan Race is my good friend Montana! I know that seems improbable, but I used Rafflecopter to generate a random winner, so who am I to argue?!

I know the race entry is going to someone who will really use it, so that's good news, too :)

Are you a "one and done" racer?
What is a race you like to do every year?
What factors win over your race loyalty?

ABK

Post-Race Thoughts

Thank you all so much for your support on my recap! I have to confess something here: I was worried about admitting I had run the full! After I made such a big deal out of choosing not to, I didn't want you all to think I'd purposely lied to make the reveal more dramatic or something.

Is that dumb?

Anyway, this week I've been enjoying a post-race glow. A few things have crossed my mind, some of them pretty random.

1. It's nice to feel sore after a race, especially a marathon! After BDR, I recovered very quickly and didn't have much soreness. Monday and Tuesday I definitely felt A1A in my ankles, knees, hips, and quads...it's the feeling of accomplishment!

(This video is never not funny!)

2. I have this weird feeling that A1A was the marathon my first could have been. If you guys recall, Space Coast training went well but I was on cold medicine during the race that led to crazy calf cramps I'd never experienced before. I think if not for that, my Space Coast performance would have been similar to A1A. There's no real point in making this comparison, but I almost feel like A1A was the marathon I've been aiming for ever since I first decided to run one.

Funny that I almost chose not to run it.

3. I haven't had a problem calling myself a marathoner, but now that I've run three, I really feel I've earned the title - especially because I've gotten the PR and the performance I've been wanting. I finally feel proud of a marathon I've run, and I didn't realize until now how important and fulfilling that would be for me.

Third time's the charm.

4. I'm almost happier with BDR now that A1A worked out. In a way, it turned BDR into a training run. It definitely tested my mental strength and prepared me to suffer in a way Space Coast didn't. Space Coast was my first, so it was automatically wonderful; I had nothing to compare it to, and I was just amazed and glad I had finished. BDR left a bad taste in my mouth, but it humbled me and strengthened me. I'm grateful for that awful experience now! It's also a great reminder that often success isn't a linear path; sometimes we have to struggle and fail before we can succeed.

5. I think when I do eventually run another full, I'm not going to be really specific here about which it is. Obviously I'll post my training, because that's why I have a blog, but maybe I'll keep mum on the specific race. Keeping A1A "casual" really seemed to help me mentally and kept me focused on why I was running it in the first place.

6. I'm having a hard time parting with my temporary tattoos...especially the pacing one! I know it's silly, but looking at it reminds me of what I finally accomplished.

I did finally try to remove it on Tuesday, but without much luck.

7. I am proof that what I've been saying about failure is true: it doesn't define us, but it can make us stronger and better. There's no shame in failing, because it means you actually took a risk and tried, and in the end, if you learned from it, then even failure can be a success.

8. I'm feeling weirdly motivated right now in the sense that now that I know I can run a faster marathon, I want to keep doing it. Sub-5:00 feels almost doable now. But I'm 100% committed to shorter distances this year. I don't want to give up long runs completely because when I eventually do another full, I'd like to be a stronger runner, and that means keeping a good base; plus, I need to get faster at all distances. (And I want to get Elizabeth to 15 miles!) I think being faster and having a good foundation is really going to be fundamental to my continued growth as a runner.

Number eight is really important; it marks the first time that I'm making a decision in my training that will hopefully truly impact me in the long-term. It's also the first time I'm giving myself permission to dream about being a "faster" runner. It's a scary goal because it feels unreachable, but I'm determined to try.

That said, I have no idea how to start, so I'm going to need to do some research about how to get faster when you don't have a goal race in mind! I just want to get faster over all. I can't picture myself as an 8-minute-miler or anything like that, but I'd like to see if the vision I do have of myself - as slow and steady - can change.

Any advice on learning to be faster?
How has running new, challenging distances changed your perspective? 

ABK

A1A Marathon Recap

So...last week I posted that I'd made the decision to only run the half at A1A. Despite solid training, my heart just wasn't in it.

I honestly wrote that post fully committed to running the half. But then I changed my mind.

Here's what happened. I was driving the two hours to Fort Lauderdale on Friday night all alone; Matt was already there, having had a followup for the protein/SUP clinic he's been doing, and I had all this time to ruminate on my decision. Suddenly, I wasn't excited for the half. Suddenly, I was overwhelmingly afraid to miss this opportunity at redemption that I had put so much thought into since crossing the finish line at BDR.

I talked it over with Kristin, hoping she'd talk some sense into me. Which she did, but not the way I planned:

Mind the typos - I use voice dictation when I text!

Over dinner Friday, I laid out my thoughts for Matt and Oden, and both agreed that if my foot was feeling better - which it had been for days - that I should go with my gut. I spent the evening comparing my mileage from the last month before Space Coast to January/February of this year, because what was holding me back the most was my fear that I'd tapered too extremely. The mileage was almost exact: 79 for Space Coast and 74 for A1A.

After my 20 miler, I literally ran a total of 6 miles and I hadn't run at all between February 3 and race day. That concerned me.

Saturday I had lunch with Kristina and Kerry (which was so fun!) and they both weighed in as well, mulling over my foot issue and the possibility of injury, but also the fact that if I was going to run a half and possibly hurt myself, why not just run the full? (Runners are nuts, guys.)

I know we've all shared this picture now, but it's too cute not to!

Okay, here we are looking proper.

I didn't lie in my post about choosing to do the half. But what I came to realize was that my disinterest in the full was actually fear masquerading as disinterest. I wanted my PR so badly, it was terrifying me. It was a huge risk; I didn't want to face failure again. But I realized all that fear meant I wanted this too much not to try.

So at 4:30pm on Saturday, I picked up my bib and immediately walked it over to be upgraded before I could think on it much more. And then I immediately looked at Matt and did that classic Home Alone face and shrieked, "WHAT HAVE I DONE?!"

Finding my name on the giant wall of runners.

I ran into Miriam, a Sub30 buddy, who was aiming to break her half PR!

Adding my name.

Officially holding that marathon bib.

That evening, I called my parents to tell them the news. I figured I may not be advertising that I was running the full, but they deserved to know!

Best mom ever!

We spent the rest of Saturday figuring out logistics. Oden and Matt decided to rent bikes and meet me along the course a couple times; my sister would meet them later on and then drive them to the finish. But I didn't want to see them too much on the course. I had a new plan: this race was going to be a secret. It was going to be a normal ol' long run. I wasn't going to post about it or tell people I was going. I was just going to do it. My theory was that if I focused on this race without any outside noise, I wouldn't psych myself out and I'd be able to just run the race I knew I had in me.

So that's what I did.

Sunday

I slept poorly, which meant I was moving slowly when my alarm went off at 3:50am. I had all my clothes laid out already, and I set my pop tart to toast while I got dressed. I also took two Advil, had a banana, a ginger candy chew, and drank a Starbucks espresso double-shot. I was extremely nervous; I was shaking like crazy.

My lululemon top from Kristin, new flip belt (which I'm obsessed with), Asics Kayano 21, Pro Compression PC runners and calf sleeves, Skirt Sports redemption fitness shorts (aptly named), Apple watch, Jaybird headphones, and new Halo visor.

Once we got to the start area, I felt a little calmer. We knew the logistics better this year, so Matt was able to find parking easily and we found the hidden port-a-potties where the lines weren't too long. (Funny sidenote: After using the bathroom the second or third time, I realized my butt felt cold. I think the woman before me had icy-hot on her thighs and it transferred to me! I was sharing icy-hot with a stranger! So weird!)

The NE winds were gusting at 14 mph.

The weather looked nice. I did some dynamic warmups. I saw Kerry in the corrals and I ran into Miriam again. Things seemed to be falling into place.

Matt leaked my secret to the world.

I saw Kerry a couple times on the course.

One last picture with Miriam!

Nervous!

My plan was simple and I was dedicated to it: I would run 12:30 miles the entire race. It would guarantee a PR. I had a pacing tattoo on my right arm and planned to follow it religiously.

This time I really wanted to focus on having the courage to TRY and truly never back down. (We took this picture after the race - I'm wearing my new shirt from Kristina and Cecil! How cute is that?!)

Before I knew it, the starting gun had gone off and the race began!

I had to remind myself in the first couple miles to stay slow; I let a lot of people pass me. That was okay. Once I realized how easy 12:30 felt, I knew I'd be able to finish the race. I wasn't feeling emotional yet; I don't think the truth of my decision had hit me.

It was cloudy and cool, and the weather promised to stay that way. I was ready for some sun between 8 and 9am, but I wasn't prepared for the wind. The gusts were up to 14mph, but at least they were cold! (And at the end of the race, they were at my back, so that was nice, although around miles 22 and 23, I literally was almost blown off course as the wind was cutting sideways!)

Around mile 5 or 6, I caught up with a familiar face from BDR. We chatted a little about our "never agains" on that course, and then split around mile 7. At that point, I'd dropped my pace into the 11:40s and was having a really hard time slowing down.

I just let my legs take me. I kept it easy, but didn't fight it. At mile 9, the marathoners and half-marathoners split off, and I texted Matt: "I'm going straight! I'm doing the full!" And a sense of pure joy and elation overtook me. I felt fantastic. I had no foot pain. I wasn't tired. I was doing this!

The crowd thinned, but I was never alone on the course. At mile 11, Matt and Oden caught up with me and I waved at them and told them how great I felt. Matt told me I was way ahead of pace and I shouted, "I'm trying to slow down but I can't!"

Flying!

I continued on. Miles 12-19 were the toughest mentally; the race was hard in the way marathons are hard, but I never had a doubt I was going to finish. At BDR, by mile 9 I wanted to be done. Sunday, I was absolutely filled with a quiet confidence and feeling of inevitability. I was going to do this.

Throughout the race I just kept thinking, "Oh my gosh, I'm running another marathon. I'm running my third marathon! I'm doing this!"

I won't say the race was easy. It did get warm, but luckily the middle miles were partially shaded by clouds and shadows. I got really hungry around mile 14. (Because I was planning to run the half, I didn't pack my UCAN, and I really think I felt the difference in my blood sugar and hunger levels.) I took a bag of ice from a volunteer. (The volunteers at this race cannot be beat. They're the best I've ever experienced.) The wind picked up and at some points I had to duck my head and cover my mouth to facilitate breathing, and I nearly lost my visor.

It wasn't easy, but I never doubted. I just kept plugging away.

I kept myself positive by thanking every cop I saw; the course is on A1A so there's tons of traffic to redirect, and the officers did a wonderful job of it. I thanked all the volunteers. I smiled at other runners and pedestrians.

I finally stopped to pee around mile 16. I didn't pause my watch at all; I think that made a huge difference in my being able to keep on pace. I knew I'd lost some time and knew I had to keep going.

I started to barter with myself around mile 17. I knew I could get to 20. I kept saying, "When you get to 20, we can talk, but you know you can do 20, so just do it. Just get there. You're fighting for a PR, and it turns out PRs take work, so fight for it!"

At 19 I took my first walk break, but Matt texted that they had a banana and Coke at mile 20.5, so I picked it up again. At mile 20, Steph ran out to meet me and distracted me from my wall.

Running with Stephie was such a morale boost!

I could feel the Coke rejuvenating me. Off I went again; once I got to mile 22, the beach was back in sight and I knew the final stretch was here. I walked again briefly, but I was determined to meet my goal and I was keeping a sharp eye on my pace-time tattoo. I knew the walk breaks were mostly mental because I was in the same amount of pain no matter when I did, so in the end I just bore down and dug deep.

(Steph posted a Snap Story of the day; she caught some cute moments.)

At mile 24 I got really emotional. I was in pain, but a weird sort of calm had taken over. I wasn't going to stop. I was so close I could taste it.

At mile 25 a seagull flew dangerously close to my head and I thought, "If that bird hits me, I'll fall over, and that'll be it. My race will be over. I'll never get back up."

At 26 I saw the clock and couldn't stop grinning. I felt like a lunatic. The tears were close. The second I crossed the line, I dissolved into tears; big, disbelieving sobs. I had done it. I had fought for this PR, this redemption, this vindication of my training, and I had done it. I freaking earned it, every step.

Kristina got a great picture of me finishing.

My pacing tattoo was for a 5:30 finish. I finished in 5:25:27...a 16-minute PR!

Tears and a coke. Perfection.

Matt, Oden, Steph, and Kristina found me. There were the usual post-race things: massage, disjointed recapping of the major highlights, a shower, a huge brunch.

How crazy is this medal? The turtle is a locket and is really cute, and I love the color and sand dollar, but that marlin is so weird.

How do you replenish after burning thousands of calories? Cheesy eggs, bacon, chocolate milk, and a chocolate chip GF Belgian waffle, how else?!

I had quite a few messages from friends that made me laugh. I guess running the full secretly was worth it in the end! It was fun to see all the "wait wait, you did the FULL?!" comments.

I honestly didn't keep it a secret to trick anyone, but the reaction was pretty entertaining.

Matt had booked a beautiful hotel room for Valentine's Day and my birthday. When we checked in, the bellhop was all, "You're in room 1429? That's the best room in the hotel!" And he was right; the balcony view was unbeatable.

We took a nap, had dinner with Oden, and then I opened my birthday gifts from Matt.

I've been wanting a new menorah, and Matt found some beautiful handmade ones at Art Fest this year.

Last year I saw these lemon paintings at Art Fest and really wanted one for our kitchen; he remembered! I can't wait to get it framed!

It was the perfect end to a perfect weekend and the perfect way to say goodbye to my 20s. I couldn't have asked for better.

ABK