These days, three miles feels daunting and four seems impossible. I am trying to stay positive, but when I think about my longterm running goals, I can't help but feel hopeless.
|I love that Elizabeth has become the voice of reason and experience in running here.|
Running on the treadmill at the gym has reminded me how much easier running indoors is. For one thing, there's no humidity! For another, the treadmill really cuts down on the effort and impact. I am taking Wednesday's 30-minute run (no walking!) as a victory.
Monday I ran for 17 minutes without stopping (outside) and that is a victory, too.
My calf pain has been significantly less intense than it was November-May this year. On the one hand, this could mean I don't need surgery after all? So maybe all the stress, expenditure, and loss of fitness was for nothing, but I can just pick up running again like normal.
Or maybe this means I forgo surgery and then months later - after my deductible resets - the pain picks back up and I need it done after all.
I am thinking back to my first marathon
. I was struck with calf cramps like I had never
had before. At the time, I blamed Mucinex. But what if that was my first experience with compartment syndrome? Can it be dormant for years before resurfacing?
(Rereading that post is so amazingly motivating. I can't wait to be able to run a marathon again.)
I am running on my golf course or at the gym exclusively these days because the thought of driving to a route with the intention of completing it and failing is paralyzing. I like the comfort of the familiar right now.
|But it's not a bad place to run, really.|
Last week was the first time in a long time I actually enjoyed a run and felt like I was running for me
and not as a chore. It was liberating.
|Actually, genuinely happy.|
Elizabeth listened patiently to these sundry concerns Wednesday and then offered really helpful suggestions and I feel really lucky to have her. She is endlessly patient and always helps me see the positive side of things.
I am trying very
hard to focus on my victories. Today at the gym, I realized I can
run without walk breaks. I realized Florida summer is a big element in my struggle; I had forgotten how much it can affect me.
I realized for the first time in awhile that I still want to run distance and I still can.
Not yet, but eventually. Running is a lifelong endeavor, and I am relieved to realize I'm excited to get back to it after this is all over, however it turns out!
How do you get over your self-doubt after an injury or setback?
What small victories are you celebrating lately?