That Point in Training

This month marked the third month of training (weeks 9-12 to be exact) and the point that I was over it.

In most races, I hit my wall about 3/4 of the way in, and it seems that pattern holds for training cycles, too.

It makes sense. You start out fresh, your excitement and momentum takes you through the first eight weeks, and then you start to get tired. And bored. And you just want it to be over.

This is my everything's-fine-but-I'm-kind-of-over-it smile.

The good news is, I think I've passed the wall. I have a lot of missed runs in January, some from travel and some from ambivalence, but last week I really forced myself to face facts: if I want to run A1A (which I do) and I want to feel proud of it (which I do) then I need to finish training even if it's not fun anymore.

Yikes.

Truthfully, I am at the point where I could finish 13.1 miles and do a pretty okay job. But I don't want to just do a pretty okay job. I want to feel happy and strong! Part of the point of running long distances is the challenge, and part of the challenge is the training. Like, the tough parts are the whole. damn. point!

So. I am back to the grind, and feeling like it's not so grind-like anymore. After forcing myself to break through the wall last week (by rearranging some runs but holding myself accountable to make them up), I feel I'm back on track.

Which is good, considering this week is the last week of January and then it's officially race month. I don't have time to waste, really. I will make the most of these last three weeks of training. I will get it done.

ABK

Personal Responsibility

Since returning from California, my running has been in a weird place. A mostly bad place. But I'm trying to replace the idea of "bad" runs with "disappointing" runs or "tough" runs. Any run is a good run because it gets you out there and helps you make progress. Right?

I know my trouble is 90% mental and 10% environmental. Here's why. In California, I was easily running my longer mid-week runs, so I know I'm physically capable. However, I missed my long run while away, and when I got back to Florida I was back in the outdoor-running-state-of-mind.

After one successful 5am run this week, I laid out clothes for the next...and they've stayed there for 3 days.

I miss running outside. The treadmill is boring and tedious, and I admit, I feel less like a "real" runner when 90% of my runs are indoors. But summertime in Florida refuses to cooperate with me. Even when it rains, it's so steamy and humid that I have trouble breathing. My legs have felt heavy and sore on every outdoor run since returning home.

Only in Florida do you see skies like this behind you while skies ahead are bright.

I don't have the option to complete morning runs indoors because my gym doesn't open early enough. I don't want to go to the gym after work because I'm too exhausted.

Running outside - and alone - at 5am is kind of terrifying. And, despite the early hour and lack of sunlight, there's still 90% humidity.

I need to start carrying water on shorter runs in this climate, but I've been putting off getting a fuel belt because I'm afraid I won't like it.

This week I really suffered for my lack of hydration and being on my feet all day. I've been living all summer in flipflops and running shoes; after my first day back at school in work shoes, my feet cramped up and turned into crazy claws for 15 minutes, until Matt fed me a high-potassium smoothie.

The long and short of this is that I have no one to blame for my slacking but myself, and maybe I needed to take some time off because the anxiety and change in schedule that accompanies the beginning of school have left my energy stores empty. But I also don't want to make excuses or allow myself to continue on this path and then have to bow out of the marathon.

Ready for open house to begin! Check out those under-eye circles!

It doesn't help that my last three runs in my new shoes have been less-than-great. Like, uninspired. I go out excited and within a mile feel tired and heavy; there has been some low-grade pain in my legs that I think could be from the shoes. I've been slower than I planned, and had to cut my runs short so that I'd have time to get home and shower to get to work on time.

As much as I want to love them, I have to wonder if I just need to get new Kayanos instead of sticking with the Adrenalines. But maybe it's all in my head!

(This is why I hate shoe-buying.)

As of right now, I'm not at all on track. This needs to change. I'm the only one who can change it. Being behind and knowing I have a plan to follow is stressful, so I'm taking my training into my own hands and ignoring my actual training plan for now.

Goals for this week: 
    1. Run at least three weekdays, at least 4 miles.
    2. Complete my long run.
    3. Complete a real crosstraining workout at the gym.

Once I'm back in the habit, I know getting up early to run will be doable and even easy at times. But this week I've had zero energy. And I hate to admit it, but admitting it will force a change.

Above and below: my post-Open House classroom looks more lived-in and normal!

Besides, I don't want to lie and say things are going well when they're not. This blog is a place for me to ruminate on running: the good, bad, and the ugly.

Now that I've gotten the whining out of my system, it's time to move forward.

How do you motivate yourself out of a slump?
Share some words of wisdom/inspiration!

ABK

I'm baa-aack!

Okay, so my break from running ended up being a little shorter than anticipated, but I'm comfortable saying that with 13 days of no running and an early morning three miles under my belt today, I'm back to it.

I didn't spend the two weeks off doing anything really important. I avoided Nike+ and DailyMile and didn't read much in the way of running blogs. I turned off my usual alarm and slept until 6:17 every day. This week, I was feeling antsy, so I did some of my hip exercises (the ones I promised photos of...they're coming soon). I saw that Pro Compression had a 40% offer going on, and I ordered a pair of compression calf sleeves and a pair of socks.

We went out for dinner for my birthday last night, and K mentioned that a running group she's met up with a few times was doing a 3-miler this morning. (They usually do long runs, but we're all signed up for a 5k this evening so they wanted to keep it easy. On a bit of a tangent here, the 5k is sure to be really cool. It's called the Edison Festival of Light, and it's run at night - obviously. Afterward, there's a huge parade. It's a giant race with lots of spectators...should be fun!)

So anyway, we did the three miles this morning and I felt really good. Well, my legs felt good. They like time off. But my breathing was really erratic. It could be that I kept a bit of a faster pace for some of the run in the beginning because the other runners were fast/not just coming off a break. Or, it could be that I'm not totally over whatever cold I had last week. But probably the trouble breathing had more to do with resting than anything else. I plan to take the rest of the day easy, and run the race this evening for the atmosphere and fun.

I did a little soul-searching during the time off, and it really helped my mood today. It felt great to be out there in cold, bright, sunshiney morning. It felt great to feel my body getting back into the motion. The biggest thing I realized was that the idea of all these half marathons was stressing me out. I wanted to run the Hooters Half in March, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized I didn't want to run it for any other reason than to add to my bibs and medals. How silly! If the run isn't about the experience, but just the end result, then where's the enjoyment?

So I've decided to run my shorter races - mostly 5ks and one 10k planned out so far - and not worry about distances at the moment. I'm going to spend the summer doing speedwork and building strength, and I'm going to run the full (or half) in November as planned. I think two half marathons a year is an accomplishment, and I don't need to run a half every month to feel like running is part of my lifestyle. I can still be consistent and meet my goals, but in a way that's more mentally and physically efficient. I still plan to build up distance eventually, but if today's first run back reminded me of anything, it's that there's merit in just getting out there.

No matter how slow you go, how long the run takes you, or how far you get, putting feet to pavement and loving it is what it's all about.

ABK

DNR + Hot Toddy Heaven

I had my first DNR today.

M and I spent all of Saturday helping his mom move, and we spent some time in the evening with my parents. My dad had just had shoulder surgery, so it was especially nice to see him. We discussed the next couple surgeries he'll be having (knee and toe), and it made me consider what life could be like when I hit 60. Will I need knee replacement or foot surgery due to running stress? Or will running keep my bones strong?

Anyway, by the time we got home, M and I were both exhausted. On top of this, we've both been under the weather all week. I've been on the edge of whatever all my students have, and the congestion headaches, sneezing, and runny nose was just really pushing me over the edge. (Mom sent us home with my birthday gift, plus a couple shots of good whiskey poured into a jam jar - for medicinal purposes. Nothing cures an almost-cold like a hot toddy.*) Of course what also factored in was that I've been taking a break from running anyway.

So Saturday I called the race organizer to see if we could bump down from the 10k to the 5k, and were given the okay. But by 11pm, M and I both knew we needed a day of rest. We opted to skip the race completely.

I've never signed up for a race and then not shown up. I used to be really confused by people who did this. I figured if you spent the money, you may as well run the race. But last night, just the thought of getting up for the race was stressing me out. I understand now how people can say, "Well, the money is going to a good cause anyway. Let's sleep in."

When I say "taking a break" from running, I'm really not foreseeing much past two weeks off. I didn't run this week, and it feels different than the times I accidentally took time off. Meaning, I didn't set my alarm intending to run and then back out at the last minute. I didn't beat myself up for taking the time off. I dedicated myself happily to getting rest and not working about a lack of miles. I was purposeful and proactive in this decision, and it's been working.

I think this is doing me a world of good, and already I'm feeling excited to run again. But I'm not going to get back into it until I'm really feeling free of the hangups that have been plaguing me the last eight weeks or so. When I feel mentally unencumbered, physically well, and have the urge to run again, I'll go back.

I'm coming back to center, back to what I love about running. I need to shake off the competitive stuff because it turns running into a chore instead of a treat. I'm actually thinking I want to edit some of my NY resolutions because they're a little heavy. When every run is about "training", I lose the real purpose behind why I like to run in the first place.

So, I skipped a race today. Instead, M and I went to a young couples meet-up at a park and played cornhole and ladder golf, ate burgers, and met some new people. (Ah, February in Florida...perfect weather!) It was a good day.

ABK

*I've included the recipe for my go-to hot toddy here. See steps below.

1. The ingredients are simple, and, as mom pointed out before providing us with whiskey for the ride home (perfectly legal, I tell you), you should always have some medicinal whiskey in the house. Lemon juice, whiskey, and honey are all you need. And water, of course. Some people like to add a tea bag to the mix, but I prefer it without.
2. Bring your water to a boil.
3. While you wait, pour between half-an-ounce to a full ounce of whiskey into a mug.
4. Add between a half and full tablespoon each of honey and lemon. (It's really up to taste. I like a lot of lemon juice.)
5. Add your boiling water, stir well, and enjoy! The finished product should be a light golden color, smell sharply of whiskey, and taste sweet and lemony.

This has been a go-to cold-curer for me since I was a kid. I highly recommend it for everything from sore throats and congestion to full-body aches.

Weekly Report: January 21-27

I feel like lately, I've been battling some weird mental monster.

A magic-eating mental monster.

A lot of the exhilaration of running is wearing off for me lately. The magic seems to be gone. Maybe this is normal; 2012 was such an amazing year for my running; it makes sense that I'd be a little worn down and a little over-done.

I feel lost. I miss what running used to be for me. I love doing a race a month, but I miss just being true to my body. I miss the unencumbered joy that running can bring. I miss just being happy to get out there; now nearly every run feels like a chore. I can't remember the last run that had me talking and venting and laughing and bonding...The social side of it just feels...gone.

In short, I think I'm tired of training. I know I can run and improve without forcing every run to be simply for the purpose of the next race, but as long as running feels like work, I'm not going to be happy about hitting the pavement. The run should have value in itself. I just want to enjoy it again.

I'm playing with the idea of going back to evening runs. Part of the problem is exhaustion, as usual, and fatigue from work. If I need to change things up to rekindle my love of the run, then I will. I don't want to hit a slump and stay there. I want to be recharged. I want this year to rival the last. I want to be happy with running again.

ABK

PS, how awkward is THIS Nike+ badge?

It's the Most Difficult Time of the Year...

I was mentally unprepared for obstacles I would be facing these last couple months. The race I trained all year for came and went, the holidays proved to be challenge that completely blindsided me, and three weeks off from school did something to my dedication.

Getting back into the grind is more difficult in January than it is after summer break. I think the main reason for this has to be that I was running all summer. I was still in my routine. But the holidays are a different challenge. You have free time, sure, but it's eaten up by a million commitments; you're dealing with pure exhaustion from the classroom sprint from Dec. 1 to Dec. 21. Three weeks off (17 days, technically) is enough time to begin to feel relaxed but not enough time to really get back into a good groove of calmed nerves and mental clarity. On top of that, you're dealing with holiday indulgences that make running difficult. 6 miles after a decadent pecan pie? A long run on the morning following a five-course Christmas feast? Yeah, right.

And bad food habits tend to snowball. Leftovers build up to a point where you're simply craving all that sugary, carby, buttery food - it flips a switch in your head that tells you that you need more more more. Well, at least, that's how it is with me.

So these past couple months, I've been over-indulging and under-training. Add to that the beginning of second semester and the return of 4:10am wakeups for morning runs, and you've got a recipe for disaster...or at least a recipe for utmost laziness. I've been too lackadaisical about my weekly miles. I've been almost in denial about this Half I have next weekend.

A big part of me thinks, well, hey, I know I can do it. I may not hit 2:15, but I'll be able to finish it. But I'm not really looking forward to running a really awesome race, because I just don't think I'm going to have one. (And since I still carry some baggage regarding this race, I think maybe I'm self-sabotaging. This Half is the same one I ran in 2011 that was so awful, and maybe I just feel, I don't know, defeated already?)

I don't know. This is my first real race season where I was completely busy and fully-scheduled for the entire duration. I think as a novice runner, I wasn't completely ready to be on top of training for a full six months. I'm finally seeing what being a year-round runner means, and it's tough.

This week was not a good one; I let myself miss too many runs. My Half being this coming weekend, I should have really used this week to my advantage, and now I'm wondering if the deficit in miles will have a negative impact on my race.

Nothing I can do about it now. Hoping this week is better, the weather cools down (85 in January, what the heck?!), and the race is solid and doesn't leave me feeling completely dejected.

ABK

Weekly Reports: Dec. 3 - Dec. 16

Dec. 3 - 9

 After a slow week, I brought my miles back up into the teens, then immediately took a week off. This was partially due to the end of the semester bogging me down with things, and partially due to a cold. But mostly, I was just lazy.

I've been feeling a real lack of motivation, and this is a dangerous thing. After all, my next Half is at the end of January. I haven't had a long run in a few weeks. I need to get back into it.

But a lot of my steam is gone, and the end of the running season is looming. I'm chugging along, but just barely.

This week my running has been better, but my knee has been killer. Today we did 4.5 miles and I was virtually pain-free because I kept a slower pace. This also had the effect of making the run a lot more enjoyable. So I guess for now I need to focus on enjoyment, not speed. That may mean that January's race sees a higher time. I wanted to hit 2:10, but if I can run the whole thing without injuries I'll take a slower pace.

Dec. 10 - 16

We don't have any races at all scheduled between now and the Half, so that ought to be interesting. For now, I'm happy to not have any races on the schedule. I'm at the precipice of burnout, and just need to stave it off until January 20. Then I can take a much needed break.

ABK

When is it Quitting? When is it Compromise?

Last time I wrote about having a bad run, the badness was due to specific circumstances of that day. Today's awful run was a combination of things that began earlier this week. To start, the last run I had was Tuesday night, when pending election results sent me into a nervous tizzy and I sped my way along a very quick 3-mile route with M at my side.

After that run, I happily slept through four mornings when I could have run, but chose not to. Yesterday night, M and I had a bit of an impromptu date-night, which included buffalo wings slathered in rich, syrupy sauces and a ludicrously large hard cider. Needless to say, not a really great dinner the night before a long run.

Oh, extreme allergy conditions? Great.

So there brewed a dangerous storm. Then, this morning saw some rookie mistakes I should have known to avoid. For one, I checked the weather and knew it would be sunny but cool (in the 60s) when we started the run. I dressed for cool weather, forgetting that the sun actually still creates a warmer "feels-like" temperature in November, and hardly four miles into the run I felt fatigued and overheated. I found I needed a walk break early on, probably because my starting pace was in the mid-9s. Our long runs have been in the mid-to-low 10s, so this was a ridiculous pace to start off at. My legs were heavy and uncooperative, and I wasn't able to get a good breathing rhythm going. This is probably due to increased allergies; although the high allergy count is for indoor allergies only, anything that affects my breathing triggers my asthma, and I've been feeling short-breathed and congested for day. This is possibly also caused by the bad bout of Red Tide we've had in the area.

I should pause here to mention that K was sick last week, so she opted for a 6-mile run, and SB and I planned 11. We all met up together, but K took off on her own early on. About four miles in, I dropped back from SB. Putting in music and setting a slower pace helped until I got to mile 5. At this point, I came to my water bottle. I only dropped off one bottle today, so by the time I got to it, I guzzled it down, leading to a cramping and sloshy stomach. At this point was the turn-around, but I couldn't fathom running the bridge a second time. Instead, I headed off down an alternate route, and I was able to shuffle-run until the main turning point, but pretty soon after reaching the next main road, I gave up on myself. I walked nearly a full mile, paused at the park for a drink, contemplated asking an early-morning tennis player for use of his cell phone to call M...

I ran from the park, knowing my car was 2.5 miles south, and instead veered off on the mile route home. I woke M, and he drove me to the car. The 11-mile run became 9.1. The time was laughably slow; I apparently walk at a 20-minute pace. I felt discouraged, even more so because I gave up on myself and 1) allowed so many walk breaks and 2) cut the distance short. While these decisions were probably good for my overtaxed body, I can't help but hate myself a little bit for making them. When it is quitting, and when is it compromise?

We need to learn from our mistakes, of course, and I think I have. If I know early during a crucial run that things aren't going right, it might be best to change plans early and salvage the run as best I can. I need to adjust my running plan later in the week if the plan earlier in the week changed. I need to trust my instincts over the weather report. I need to plan my pace better from the beginning, and I need to stay hydrated.

Even knowing all these things logically, I'm still feeling moody and regretful today. This was not how I wanted my final long run before our Half to go. I'm actually not feeling like this will be detrimental to the race, and if anything it's given me a chance to see how I run in the sunlight for a long distance. But all those walk breaks...man, those are what really get me. I always feel so worthless, like I've let myself down and allowed my mind to beat me back. I've been making such amazing progress, and it was like the little Negative Nancy in my head wanted to prove she still exists.

Alright; I get it. And I'm going to shake this off and redeem myself this week and kick butt on Sunday. And then I'm going to take some mental rest, because training is starting to eat my brain, and I think that's mostly what made me weak today. On any other day, in usual circumstances, I could have run through the funk. Today, my brain got the best of me. That's all there is to it. Time to move on.

ABK

Burnout

As much as I love running, even I have to admit that sometimes it's just too much. I've been dancing around a bunch of excuses, feeling a blurry sensation that there's more to them than I'm aware; but it all crystallized yesterday.

Yesterday was a running day, the first of the week. I was planning to go. Eventually, my fatigue and sore muscles got the most of me. And what I realized today, as I put on PJs to grade papers and never changed into my running clothes, was that I'm burned out.

It started slowly. First, I hit my peak. I was daydreaming about running, thinking about it constantly. While I circled desks during testing, I let my mind wander to the run I'd have that evening. While talking to friends, running was the only thing I wanted to discuss. I was reading blogs on running, spending hours finding stretches, reading quotes and tips on improving form and keeping yourself moving.

But then I got to a point where I had to take time off. And coming back, I was hit by the realization that I have less than 10 days left of the school year. 10 days to finish finals, finish all the paperwork, pack up the room, get report cards done and comments in, deal with graduation and all that comes with it, attend and lead meetings...

What I realized, as I crawled into bed earlier and earlier each night, is that I'm burned out. Not necessarily on running, although I do think I hit a wall there because my last few runs have been mediocre, and that has an effect on my motivation, but on activity in general. I'm tired. That tiredness has caused my runs to be mediocre, which has led to some of the burnout. Vicious cycle.

But we all know that when we get too tired, too stressed, exercise sometimes adds more. The right amount of stress makes exercise a saving grace; too much, and all it does it wear you down. It's over-training.

I know the classic advice on overcoming burnout. Change your route. Change your distances. Try a new playlist, or running without music at all. But I don't want to deal with that right now. As much as my mind is craving a run, my body is just completely wiped.

So the excuses may keep coming. It's muggy. It's hot. (Have I mentioned, by the way, that I need to learn to run in the mornings? It's my summer goal, because the evenings - even when pitch black outside - are still humid and pushing high-80s already. It's only May!) I'm tired. I'm swamped. Too much cooking/grading/planning/working to fit a run in.

I need to learn two things. One, learn to accept that I need a break and it won't mean the end of my running. It may only be a week, or even less, and I can pick up again when things calm down. Two, learn to overcome this burnout and find some joy in a run sometime in the not-too-far future. Because overcoming burnout? Not my forte.

In fact, this may be the first real test of my 2012 NYR, because it's all about being consistent. If I burnout and take too much time off, I may lapse and have some run-less weeks. And I really don't want that.

I think I need to learn to be okay with cutting down to a couple runs a week, just enough to get out there, but not enough to let it take over my mind. I can't spread myself too thin.

I absolutely hate to do it, but a bigger part of me is dreading a run than is normal. If nothing else, that's a sign that something needs to change.

So, bear with me, folks. I intend to keep running weekly. But I also intend to get my priorities straight for the next ten days, so that I (and my students) can finish the year strong and smiling.

But seriously...what I wouldn't give for a nice drizzle to drop the temperature a few notches, shade the sun, and allow for a nice, cool, stress-free jog.

ABK