5 Reasons to Smile

This week, I'm beginning to pull out of the funk I've been in.

Just to clarify, I'm not wondering why things have been so hard for me lately. For the last few weeks I've been really preoccupied with Archie's death, my grandma's hospitalization (she had a heart catheter put in, then went into sepsis, but is doing better for the time being), and Matt's Nana's hospitalization (she's been dealing with stroke/seizure issues for awhile now). I'm a realist-bordering-on-pessimist, so I was trying to compartmentalize my emotions and it really got the best of me and wore me down. (There was one day that I cried in my classroom during planning, then got it together to greet my kids at the door minutes later. Any teachers relate to that?)

Doesn't it seem like when things fall apart, they all fall apart? (That reminds me of one of my all-time favorite Yeats poems...)

Anyway, I think things are looking up. I'm beginning to get a handle on the storm of emotions I've been dealing with. And that means it's time for some purposeful positivity.

1. LeadingEdge - I applied for a promotional program within my charter school family and was accepted! I'm really excited for this. I'll be training to be a CRT (curriculum resource teacher), and while it means I may eventually be leaving the classroom, I'm excited for the chance to challenge myself and put my skills to good use. A CRT helps train and guide teachers, which I really enjoy doing.

2. Running with Montana - I was in 8th grade when I met Montana, aka Pretty Lil Mudder, but we weren't exactly friends. We reconnected randomly when I saw her in one of my running Facebook groups, among 3000 other members! Small world. We got in touch and buried the past, and this weekend we'll be running a virtual Harry Potter race as part of a long run! There are so many things awesome about this, I don't even know where to start!

For you HP fans out there...can you guess what House I'm sorted into? (I'm not even a little ashamed of my continued love of HP.)

3. Jenn's wedding - My little Jenn is getting married this weekend! With all the kitchen brouhaha going on, I wasn't able to go to her bachelorette party last weekend, but nothing could stop me from being there for her big day. Jenn has been one of my most steadfast friends, and I can't wait to celebrate with her.

Matt and I visited Jenn in Panama for our first wedding anniversary. She's from the Netherlands, so she speaks Dutch, Spanish, and English fluently. Amazing.

4. Lightbulb moment in class - This week I introduced memoir writing to my students. When we begin this project, the kids read an excerpt from Annie Dillard's An American Childhood that's heavy on metaphor. I literally got goosebumps the other day as I listened to a student work his way through the metaphor of the mason jar and then watched as his face cleared and his eyes lit with understanding. That, folks, is what I live for.

5. Furiously Happy - Jenny Lawson, the Bloggess, has a new book out. I loved her first collection of crazy, true stories about her life growing up (Let's Pretend This Never Happened) and was sure I'd like Furiously Happy, especially because it's focused on living with mental illness. Even as an avid reader of her blog, I had no idea how absolutely hysterical it would be! I've been reading it during reading challenge in class and literally laughing out loud. I can't share snippets with my students because it's mostly inappropriate, and they're all totally baffled by my laughter. If you like really random, insane, hilarious, non-fiction vignettes and can identify with having a kooky family, I highly recommend it!

 

So there we go...five reasons to smile this week. And here's hoping next week brings along five more.

What are you smiling about this week?

ABK

Pre-Thanksgiving Thoughts

This one will be short and sweet. Today, one of my students from last year sent me roses and the sweetest note ever. It's humbling to know that I've had (and continue to make) an impact on my students to such a degree that they want to stay in touch.

I mean, seriously. Best-ever way to start the week.

This is why I teach, people.

I'm going to hop up on my soapbox for a moment and beg you not to go shopping on Thanksgiving. The crowds and cut-throat drama of Black Friday is gross enough to me, but the thought of shopping on a holiday that's meant to remind us to be thankful for what we already have is just disgraceful. Save the 'bow throwing, competition-stomping, and pepper-spraying for Friday. Spend Thursday with family and send a message to the big box stores that you're not going to play into their hands.

This article - especially the end - is fantastic. Read it here.

On a lighter note, Archie has been particularly goofy this week, and as it's been awhile since I've posted pictures of him, here's a fun one:

Yes, he is INSIDE the tissue box spying on us.

No sooner had I posted that I wasn't officially "training" right now than I realized that I have a handful of races coming up, including a couple half marathons, so I actually need to still be in training mode. Time to increase my weekend mileage again!

Pardon my crazed smile.

Last night I got to run in one of my new tops. I highly recommend this one from Nike. It's long and doesn't ride up at all; it's light and breathable; and the white accents keep you visible on a night run.

I almost wore sleeves last night; luckily I didn't. 68 soon felt like 80. It was windy, which made it hard to breathe, but I was so relieved to finally have some fall weather.

Has your week gotten off to a good start?
How do you usually celebrate Thanksgiving?
What's the most rewarding part of your job?

ABK

A Daring Heart

I do not have a daring heart. I am not naturally a risk-taker, adventure-seeker, or new-thing-trier. My first reaction is usually to say "no" to anything that requires any kind of courage.

If someone wants me to try something scary, they need to introduce the idea slowly, and preferably with a bribe. It took Matt 8 months to get me to try paddling, and the night before my first paddle I literally threw a tantrum, had a panic attack, and cried at the mere thought of getting on a paddleboard.

My first time ever paddleboarding.

The next morning, on the board itself, I cried with sheer terror...But the tears were cathartic, in a way. They broke down a barrier. Anyone who reads my blog now knows that we paddle weekly, and I even had my first (accidental) night paddle this last Friday.

For how much I hate water, it seems to be a major gateway to learning to have courage. Here I am snorkeling in the Bahamas.

If I can be successfully led into something that terrifies me, I'll usually love it. The person behind most of these new experiences is Matt, and for that I'm forever grateful. He was the one who encouraged me when I first wanted to learn to run, and I think becoming a runner has had everything to do with my willingness to, slowly but eventually, face what scares me.

My first-ever solo race, and the first time I ran a sub30 5k.

Looking back, I realize now that I've conquered a lot of my fears. Maybe I'm teaching my heart to be more daring, and with each new conquest and victory comes a little more bravery.

Matt was the one who prompted me to take my Birthright trip to Israel before I aged out of the program. (Come to think of it, he was also behind getting me to study abroad.) Here I am with my cohort excavating underground ruins.

Running has something to do with it too, I think. After all, every time I set a foot over the starting line of a race, I'm facing that evil little voice in my head that tells me I'll never be a runner. It was right for a long time, but it hasn't been right in years.

It may not seem as scary as traveling the world, but choosing to go to grad school was a major leap of faith...And for an introvert like me, teaching takes courage every day.

Running builds confidence like few other sports can. It forces me to look doubt in the eye and steamroll right over it. It has taught me that my mind is strong and that my body can accomplish great things.

Ziplining in the rainforests of Panama.

The greatest thing about conquering fear and teaching my heart to be more daring is that it's keeping me active. When we live in fear - of ourselves, what others will think, of the world at large, whatever - we tend to hide in safe spaces. Safe spaces rarely get us moving.

Hiking up Grandfather Mountain in North Carolina.

Climbing rock faces in Leo Carillo, California.

My initial response may still be "no", but at least now I know that "no" is often a lie. Slowly, "no" is becoming "maybe." I hope in the future, my first response to risks and adventures is a resounding and confident "YES!"

Learning to be daring has taught me that I'm not made of glass, that life can be bigger and more enjoyable than I'd ever thought possible, and that if you fake it 'til you feel it, eventually daring will come.

What's the biggest risk you've ever taken?
Are you a naturally daring person?
What has running given you the confidence to do?

ABK

I Am Certifiably Insane

I know my regret is going to drive me insane if I don't do this race.

I. Am. Doing. This!

Tonight I went out for a two-miler, just to test my lungs. They felt fine for having two weeks off; after the run they felt a little twitchy, but not terrible.

Amazing how a short run can strengthen your resolve.

I have wanted to do this race since last year. I planned to do it as a full, and then dealt with the miserable truth that I couldn't prepare for it like I wanted to, and backed down to the half.

And now this monster cold.

Matt went away to Alumni Weekend, thinking I wouldn't be well enough to race. Oops

I am doing this half. I am going to take it S L O W. I am going to carry my inhaler. I am going to focus on enjoying this. It will be my fourth half. It will be the first I trained for on my own. It will be completely imperfect. But if will be a milestone I have to meet.

I have to.

Matt will be out of town. I have some friends running it, but I'll have no cheerleaders at this one. This one will be me. I am ready to take on that mental challenge.

Bring it on!

ABK

Music to My Ears

For whatever reason, whether or not runners should listen to music while running has become a topic of debate. I usually love debating, but I kind of hate any controversy that serves to drive a wedge between groups of runners.

Barefoot vs. traditional? Zero-drop vs. cushion? I don't want to hear it. Do you.

That's why I was surprised when Runner's World's Facebook page posted an image a few weeks back that opened the floodgates for heated debate that was filled with un-runner-like animosity. People feel really strongly about this, apparently.

The image in question...the comments on this from both sides of the debate were simply ridiculous.

When it comes to my choice, I like to have my music with me when I run. I can run without it, and often I run without headphones and just let the ambient soundtrack play from my phone speakers, but if I had my druthers (can you tell I'm reading To Kill A Mockingbird right now?) I'd choose my Run It! playlist and Yurbuds any day.

My music falls into three main categories and a sub-genre, but I mix them all together into a single playlist because I like to hit all three areas of my mood, rather than choosing a mood and sticking with it the entire run.

Pump Up 


Anything catchy, upbeat, and fast-paced falls into this category. Of course, there's a fair amount of unexpected alternative and rap here too...Who can say no to DMX or The Clash? They clearly go together. These songs kick up my pace, and usually I can be found mouthing the words or pretending I know how to play air-piano while running.

 Zone Out

Probably my favorite songs, but the least-represented on my playlist, my zoning out songs are sometimes slow and may seem like the antithesis of workout music. But they follow a very important rule: I know every. single. word. Matchbox Twenty (oh my gosh, favorite!), Goo Goo Dolls, The Spill Canvas...These are the best when I take the playlist off shuffle and let a few of them play in a row, especially if I'm well into a long run and facing some tough miles.

 Power Songs

I love Nike+ for having this option. Adding power songs to my playlist lets me hear exactly what I need to at any particular moment with just a tap of my phone screen. (Seriously, people who ran with Disc-Mans and Walk-Mans? How did you do it?!) Most of my power songs are about overcoming something. I've got "How Far We've Come" by MB20 right alongside "No More Drama" and "Work It" by Mary J. Blige. And for some reason "Backstabber" by Ke$ha is super effective.

Downright Embarrassing

If you've even glanced at the pictures in this post, you know what I'm talking about. 3OH!3? Gangnam Style? Avril Lavigne? Yeah. You need some space for embarrassing music that you genuinely love on any running playlist. A run simply wouldn't be complete without it!

As far as running races goes, I've never run a race that was so crowded with spectators and entertainment that I felt I was missing something by having my music going. I guess if I ever run a Disney race or any show-stoppingly huge race, I'll stow my headphones.

But for the most part, I'm just a music lover. Music gives me a way to deal with my head; the beauty of music is that it speaks to us in a way that is personal and intimate but also universal. If running is the perfect time to get my head straight and refocus my emotions, then what better companion is there to run with than a good playlist?

Do you run with or without music?
What about at a race?
What are your top music choices right now?

ABK

Race the Roof 15k

Last year, this race was an 8k that took us through a beautifully landscaped neighborhood and over scenic boardwalks. This year, runners were given the choice between a 5k and 15k, and I happily jumped on the opportunity to run a new race distance.

One of the women on my Ragnar team, Sarah, was also running this race. We carpooled, and when we got out at the venue, we were both reluctant to take our warmup shirts off...The temperature has finally dropped to autumn levels! It was 63 this morning pre-race, and topped out at 72 when we were finished.

That's what I call perfect race weather!

I was happy to get a little jog in before the start time; my legs have been leaden this week from the 10k last weekend and the start of volleyball, and my 3.6 miler on Wednesday was brutal. This morning, though, after intense rolling therapy all week, my legs felt fantastic. I felt ready for this race from the moment we got there.

The crowd waiting to start.

Sarah and I started out by Sean, another friend who is super fast, but knew we wouldn't be running "together". Sarah is the one who placed 3rd in her AG in the 10k last weekend.

Anyway, I found a nice easy pace early on. I watched others pass me and smiled a little, completely aware that by mile 3 many of them would be burned out. I kept to my pace and thoroughly enjoyed the scenery. I even took a picture - while running - along one of the boardwalks. It was just too pretty not to!

I didn't even have to stop to take it. Check out that gorgeous view!

This was the first race that allowed me to use my new fueling habits. I wore my Nathan fuelbelt and packed it with lemon Gu Chomps, gum, and chapstick. Because I wasn't sure about the exact location of the water stops, I took my first two chomps at mile 3.

The belt felt like I wasn't even wearing it; it stayed in place and was easy to handle.

I really hit my stride around mile 4. I just felt like it was time to ramp up the speed a little. Sure enough, I was soon passing many of the runners I had watched speed by me in the first mile or two.

I ate another chomp at mile 5. I waved and said "thank you" and "good morning" to all the volunteers. I was happily distracted along the entire route by the gorgeous views as the sun began to peak above the trees.

This is seriously one of the most beautiful races I've ever run, hands down. The route was much improved from last year; somehow, even adding 7k to the distance, they avoided that long stretch of road I remembered hating last time. We looped along neighborhood streets (I saw one woman in her bathrobe come out to get the paper as we passed) and ran along paths bordering lakes, fields, and the golf course.

I began to tire out around mile 7.5. It's hard for me to mentally keep myself going when I know I'm almost done. (Just something else to work on this year.) But at this point, it was too late to eat another chomp. So I just tucked in and kept going.

Around mile 8.5 I was tailing two young women in pink. We were alone on the course for awhile; I was the caboose. But something sparked as we made a turn off the road onto more boardwalk, and suddenly I was flying.

I overtook the two girls...to the point that they weren't even in my hindsight as I looked back. The last stretch from 8.5 to 9 was completely empty of volunteers and runners. I thought maybe I had gotten lost...I've never been completely and totally alone during a race!

But I didn't dare stop, in case one of the pink girls caught me. Finally I saw a volunteer, who directed me at the turn. (I wasn't off course, just uniquely timed I guess.) The last two boardwalks were heaven for my legs. I pounded around the final turn, burst through a copse of trees, and raced to the finish.

The clock was ticking 1:34:xx and in that moment I wanted to beat 1:35. I cranked it out and gave it my all at the finish, coming in at 1:34:49. As this is my only 15k, it's an automatic PR.

Success!

My pace was faster than last weekend's 10k, and considering the extra distance, I'm really happy with that. I successfully maintained a steady pace and saw negative splits in the second half of the run. I even ran miles 7 and 8 at a sub-10 pace!

Sean getting his medal, and us afterward, with our bling! (I really enjoy the banana peel I haven't bothered to throw away yet...I guess I was holding onto it for sentimental reasons.)

I found Sean after the finish; he placed 3rd in his AG! We walked over to breakfast together; this race always sponsors a great spread. Sarah's husband and kids had come to cheer her on, and she was playing with them at the swings in the park. (Have I mentioned yet that this venue is perfect for racing for a million reasons?) She had placed 2nd in her AG! (Remember, this is only her third race ever.)

I was too short to get a picture of Sarah getting her medal, but here she is showing it off!

This was one of those races that will easily top my favorites list. It has restored my faith in my ability to run long distances. It gave me the opportunity to practice fueling at a race. (I need to perfect my strategy.) I smiled during the entire race and just felt absolutely great.

Post-race exuberance! (My fuelbelt is doing a great job giving me that Steve Urkel look I was going for.)

Another milestone from today? I got my first blister. I know, I know...4 years of running and no blisters? I've been lucky. Next time I'll remember the Body Glide.

I'll never again take for granted the effects of beautiful surroundings and cooler weather!

ABK

Personal Responsibility

Since returning from California, my running has been in a weird place. A mostly bad place. But I'm trying to replace the idea of "bad" runs with "disappointing" runs or "tough" runs. Any run is a good run because it gets you out there and helps you make progress. Right?

I know my trouble is 90% mental and 10% environmental. Here's why. In California, I was easily running my longer mid-week runs, so I know I'm physically capable. However, I missed my long run while away, and when I got back to Florida I was back in the outdoor-running-state-of-mind.

After one successful 5am run this week, I laid out clothes for the next...and they've stayed there for 3 days.

I miss running outside. The treadmill is boring and tedious, and I admit, I feel less like a "real" runner when 90% of my runs are indoors. But summertime in Florida refuses to cooperate with me. Even when it rains, it's so steamy and humid that I have trouble breathing. My legs have felt heavy and sore on every outdoor run since returning home.

Only in Florida do you see skies like this behind you while skies ahead are bright.

I don't have the option to complete morning runs indoors because my gym doesn't open early enough. I don't want to go to the gym after work because I'm too exhausted.

Running outside - and alone - at 5am is kind of terrifying. And, despite the early hour and lack of sunlight, there's still 90% humidity.

I need to start carrying water on shorter runs in this climate, but I've been putting off getting a fuel belt because I'm afraid I won't like it.

This week I really suffered for my lack of hydration and being on my feet all day. I've been living all summer in flipflops and running shoes; after my first day back at school in work shoes, my feet cramped up and turned into crazy claws for 15 minutes, until Matt fed me a high-potassium smoothie.

The long and short of this is that I have no one to blame for my slacking but myself, and maybe I needed to take some time off because the anxiety and change in schedule that accompanies the beginning of school have left my energy stores empty. But I also don't want to make excuses or allow myself to continue on this path and then have to bow out of the marathon.

Ready for open house to begin! Check out those under-eye circles!

It doesn't help that my last three runs in my new shoes have been less-than-great. Like, uninspired. I go out excited and within a mile feel tired and heavy; there has been some low-grade pain in my legs that I think could be from the shoes. I've been slower than I planned, and had to cut my runs short so that I'd have time to get home and shower to get to work on time.

As much as I want to love them, I have to wonder if I just need to get new Kayanos instead of sticking with the Adrenalines. But maybe it's all in my head!

(This is why I hate shoe-buying.)

As of right now, I'm not at all on track. This needs to change. I'm the only one who can change it. Being behind and knowing I have a plan to follow is stressful, so I'm taking my training into my own hands and ignoring my actual training plan for now.

Goals for this week: 
    1. Run at least three weekdays, at least 4 miles.
    2. Complete my long run.
    3. Complete a real crosstraining workout at the gym.

Once I'm back in the habit, I know getting up early to run will be doable and even easy at times. But this week I've had zero energy. And I hate to admit it, but admitting it will force a change.

Above and below: my post-Open House classroom looks more lived-in and normal!

Besides, I don't want to lie and say things are going well when they're not. This blog is a place for me to ruminate on running: the good, bad, and the ugly.

Now that I've gotten the whining out of my system, it's time to move forward.

How do you motivate yourself out of a slump?
Share some words of wisdom/inspiration!

ABK

Back in the Saddle

My cough 90% gone, I decided to bite the bullet and finally go for a run today. I have been three weeks off running, and was really itching to get back out there.

A few factors didn't cooperate, most notably my lungs. I'm still congested and coughing up phlegm, so I wasn't surprised to struggle in that regard. I was planning to do two miles, but then the rain set in. I purposely chose a route close to home so I could easily return if my body wimped out.

Just the right amount of stormy, and the rain blessed me with cooler temperatures, too.

I fully expected to be a wreck today, given that three weeks off can really set a runner back, and had accepted that this run might not be great. But I completed it in 9:48, and ran more than half of it between 8:50 and 9:07. (Given the short distance, that's not so impressive, but I'm feeling oddly proud about it.)

In the end, I was out of breath, rained-on, and exuberant.

Check out that *glow*

There was something beautiful about running in the rain. I felt cleansed of some of my hang ups and excuses that have been weighing me down this month. And when I plugged the run into Nike+, I knew I'd made the right decision when I saw this:

If I had allowed May to slip through my fingers completely, I would have missed my goal of "no blank months" this year.

I have a long journey ahead, even to start building up to a solid 4 miles, but I've been there before and I'll get there again. Today, I'm feeling positive.

How would you describe the feeling of a first run back after a break?

Do you like running in the rain?

ABK

Mental Fog

We've all read plenty of articles like this one that exemplify how running can improve mood and even provide a kind of cure for chronic depression. But I've been put in a situation this weekend where my mood has been just...awful. Even when I'm able to think about something besides my grief, my mind feels like it's in some kind of fog. Nothing seems sharp and vital. Everything is dull. And when I finally went out for a run today, it was dull, too, and felt so unimportant and irksome. And while there were many contributing factors - aren't there always? - I had to wonder: does mood affect the quality of the run?

I did some searching on Google, but couldn't come up with an answer. So, completely based on my own experiences, I'm putting forth a hypothesis. I'd love to hear what you think.

Mood	Run Quality	Reasoning
Angry or Anxious	Strong	I know when I’m feeling angry or jittery, my runs tend to be faster-paced, farther distances, and generally stronger. Maybe because my mind is somewhere else, or because all that extra energy is looking for a way out, the miles fly by.
Happy or Fine	Generally Good/Normal	Most of my runs occur when I’m in a fine, balanced mood, and in general my runs are good. So I have to see a correlation there.
Sad or Upset	Crap	For some reason I don’t understand, running when I’m sad doesn’t have the same effect as running when I’m angry. Instead of taking my mind off the issue, it almost magnifies it. Thinking about the problem doesn't make the miles fly by; it instead feels like lead is being poured into every muscle fiber in my body. Being alone with my thoughts is too much mental junk for me when those thoughts are sad, and my runs suffer for it.

Basically what I've found is that if I'm fighting the urge to crawl back into bed, put my head under a pillow, and bawl/sleep in a regular cycle, then I'm not going to be able to complete a run up to the standards I've set. I need to start being more aware of these moods and adjusting my training accordingly. But somehow I always forget that trying to run away my pain, especially when the pain is acute and new and fresh, almost always leads to further disappointment.

I'm glad I went for my run today, but I would feel a lot better about it if I had been honest with where my head was. Instead of trying for 10 miles at midday, I should have set out to do 4. Then I would have reached my goal and felt alright. I need to be more me-focused at this point in my training, because as I'm battling burnout anyway, even the smallest setbacks feel like mountains that need conquering. Right now I'm not even feeling motivated to do my Half in late January. I'm just...fried.

I need a nap.

ABK