It feels funny opening up a blog post with 16 days gone since the last one...and the last run.
As I mentioned previously, my absence was due to my spending 10 days in Israel. The experience was truly extraordinary and too complex to put into words. I'm not going to try...for many reasons, not the least of which is that this is a running blog. I may do some existential exercises here, but only if they relate to The Run.
It was hard at first, as it always is, to forgo my routine. I had run a race just-for-fun the day before I left, but the first few days of my trip involved a lot of bus riding. I was itching and aching for a run. With only so many clothes packed and no laundry in sight, I knew running wasn't an option. After I finally wrapped my head around that and decided to just live in the moment and enjoy the crazy hustle of the trip, I almost forgot I was missing running. Almost.
I got back to the States on the 14th, but didn't get home until the evening of the 15th. My goal for the 16th was to eat pancakes for breakfast and stay in pajamas all day. Mission accomplished! And yesterday and today were spent almost entirely posting photos, reviewing photos, and running the kinds of the errands that can be very fun if viewed in the right light. The kind that make you feel you've somehow miraculously organized your life.
This evening, as I drove home from such an errand, I said to M, "I may run tonight. It's 7:30, I can do just a mile to get back into things, I'm not starving or full..." But of course, an hour later found us reorganizing things we had just bought, and now it's nearly 11pm and I didn't get a run in.
I'm in a weird place. I'm not really avoiding running again, although there is some anxiety there because of the two weeks off. Mostly I just feel overwhelmingly lethargic. It's brutally hot. I've been traveling on the kind of vacation that is not at all a vacation. It's nice to just sit. At the same time, I'm feeling over-charged and antsy. I'm waking up at 6:45am naturally (probably due to jetlag more than anything), but instead of going for a run, I spend a few hours reading in bed.
(I still have not figured out the art of becoming a morning runner; and yet, in Israel, I was able to roll out of bed at 3:30 to hike Masada for sunrise. Where are my priorities?! haha.)
I guess I'm just not feeling a lot of pressure to get back into it. That's fine. I run for fun, for myself. I'm not trying to prove myself to anyone. I didn't gain weight on the trip so I don't feel an overpowering urge to whip myself back into any kind of shape. But I feel better all-around when I'm active. So this week, I will get a run in. Maybe only one or two miles, but it will happen. I will reconnect with my physical body, which I cut some slack (for the sake of my emotional and mental bodies) during my trip.
I am both looking forward to it and not at all motivated. It's a very strange place to be. I suppose I should enjoy it now, because we all know what happens when the running bug bites again, and then it's all about the next run and the next and the next...
To be honest, I'm actually looking forward to the bite. I have a feeling my next few runs will prove to be some of the most challenging and wonderful of my year so far.
ABK
Showing posts with label pattern. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pattern. Show all posts
Monday, June 18, 2012
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Burnout
As much as I love running, even I have to admit that sometimes it's just too much. I've been dancing around a bunch of excuses, feeling a blurry sensation that there's more to them than I'm aware; but it all crystallized yesterday.
Yesterday was a running day, the first of the week. I was planning to go. Eventually, my fatigue and sore muscles got the most of me. And what I realized today, as I put on PJs to grade papers and never changed into my running clothes, was that I'm burned out.
It started slowly. First, I hit my peak. I was daydreaming about running, thinking about it constantly. While I circled desks during testing, I let my mind wander to the run I'd have that evening. While talking to friends, running was the only thing I wanted to discuss. I was reading blogs on running, spending hours finding stretches, reading quotes and tips on improving form and keeping yourself moving.
But then I got to a point where I had to take time off. And coming back, I was hit by the realization that I have less than 10 days left of the school year. 10 days to finish finals, finish all the paperwork, pack up the room, get report cards done and comments in, deal with graduation and all that comes with it, attend and lead meetings...
What I realized, as I crawled into bed earlier and earlier each night, is that I'm burned out. Not necessarily on running, although I do think I hit a wall there because my last few runs have been mediocre, and that has an effect on my motivation, but on activity in general. I'm tired. That tiredness has caused my runs to be mediocre, which has led to some of the burnout. Vicious cycle.
But we all know that when we get too tired, too stressed, exercise sometimes adds more. The right amount of stress makes exercise a saving grace; too much, and all it does it wear you down. It's over-training.
I know the classic advice on overcoming burnout. Change your route. Change your distances. Try a new playlist, or running without music at all. But I don't want to deal with that right now. As much as my mind is craving a run, my body is just completely wiped.
So the excuses may keep coming. It's muggy. It's hot. (Have I mentioned, by the way, that I need to learn to run in the mornings? It's my summer goal, because the evenings - even when pitch black outside - are still humid and pushing high-80s already. It's only May!) I'm tired. I'm swamped. Too much cooking/grading/planning/working to fit a run in.
I need to learn two things. One, learn to accept that I need a break and it won't mean the end of my running. It may only be a week, or even less, and I can pick up again when things calm down. Two, learn to overcome this burnout and find some joy in a run sometime in the not-too-far future. Because overcoming burnout? Not my forte.
In fact, this may be the first real test of my 2012 NYR, because it's all about being consistent. If I burnout and take too much time off, I may lapse and have some run-less weeks. And I really don't want that.
I think I need to learn to be okay with cutting down to a couple runs a week, just enough to get out there, but not enough to let it take over my mind. I can't spread myself too thin.
I absolutely hate to do it, but a bigger part of me is dreading a run than is normal. If nothing else, that's a sign that something needs to change.
So, bear with me, folks. I intend to keep running weekly. But I also intend to get my priorities straight for the next ten days, so that I (and my students) can finish the year strong and smiling.
But seriously...what I wouldn't give for a nice drizzle to drop the temperature a few notches, shade the sun, and allow for a nice, cool, stress-free jog.
ABK
Yesterday was a running day, the first of the week. I was planning to go. Eventually, my fatigue and sore muscles got the most of me. And what I realized today, as I put on PJs to grade papers and never changed into my running clothes, was that I'm burned out.
It started slowly. First, I hit my peak. I was daydreaming about running, thinking about it constantly. While I circled desks during testing, I let my mind wander to the run I'd have that evening. While talking to friends, running was the only thing I wanted to discuss. I was reading blogs on running, spending hours finding stretches, reading quotes and tips on improving form and keeping yourself moving.
But then I got to a point where I had to take time off. And coming back, I was hit by the realization that I have less than 10 days left of the school year. 10 days to finish finals, finish all the paperwork, pack up the room, get report cards done and comments in, deal with graduation and all that comes with it, attend and lead meetings...
What I realized, as I crawled into bed earlier and earlier each night, is that I'm burned out. Not necessarily on running, although I do think I hit a wall there because my last few runs have been mediocre, and that has an effect on my motivation, but on activity in general. I'm tired. That tiredness has caused my runs to be mediocre, which has led to some of the burnout. Vicious cycle.
But we all know that when we get too tired, too stressed, exercise sometimes adds more. The right amount of stress makes exercise a saving grace; too much, and all it does it wear you down. It's over-training.
I know the classic advice on overcoming burnout. Change your route. Change your distances. Try a new playlist, or running without music at all. But I don't want to deal with that right now. As much as my mind is craving a run, my body is just completely wiped.
So the excuses may keep coming. It's muggy. It's hot. (Have I mentioned, by the way, that I need to learn to run in the mornings? It's my summer goal, because the evenings - even when pitch black outside - are still humid and pushing high-80s already. It's only May!) I'm tired. I'm swamped. Too much cooking/grading/planning/working to fit a run in.
I need to learn two things. One, learn to accept that I need a break and it won't mean the end of my running. It may only be a week, or even less, and I can pick up again when things calm down. Two, learn to overcome this burnout and find some joy in a run sometime in the not-too-far future. Because overcoming burnout? Not my forte.
In fact, this may be the first real test of my 2012 NYR, because it's all about being consistent. If I burnout and take too much time off, I may lapse and have some run-less weeks. And I really don't want that.
I think I need to learn to be okay with cutting down to a couple runs a week, just enough to get out there, but not enough to let it take over my mind. I can't spread myself too thin.
I absolutely hate to do it, but a bigger part of me is dreading a run than is normal. If nothing else, that's a sign that something needs to change.
So, bear with me, folks. I intend to keep running weekly. But I also intend to get my priorities straight for the next ten days, so that I (and my students) can finish the year strong and smiling.
But seriously...what I wouldn't give for a nice drizzle to drop the temperature a few notches, shade the sun, and allow for a nice, cool, stress-free jog.
ABK
Saturday, January 14, 2012
My Stats and Patterns
Runners (and most athletes, I think) become a little obsessive over their stats. How can I beat my best? How can I stay on track to meet my next goal? Luckily, there are tons of ways through the internet to do this.
I keep track of my mileage on Nike+ and on DailyMile, but I've been using Nike+ longer. Obviously, because of that, it has my total mileage while DailyMile only has my most recent runs (within the last year or so). I use the DailyMile widget on my sidebar, but only because Nike+ doesn't have a widget compatible with blogger.
I like both these sites for keeping track of my running, but I like Nike+ a little more. The reason behind this is that you can input your info into DailyMile, and you can cheat it a little bit. I like that Nike+ takes the info directly from the chip, and therefore can't be faked.
I also like the levels it uses to show you your progress. Everyone starts at yellow (0-30mi) and then moves through orange (31-154mi), green (155-620mi), blue, purple, and then black. Nike+ allows you to set up challenges, goals, and a training schedule; because it connects through your iPod, the trainer can actually talk to you during your run.
DailyMile is a nice, easy way to keep my facebook, twitter, and other runners who use the website updated on my progress, but Nike+ is a better tool for my own personal use.
My Stats
Total mileage according to Nike+: 237.46
Total mileage according to DailyMile: 192.18
Fastest mile: 8:20
Fastest 5k: 28:09
Farthest run: 13.1 miles
I run the most often in the summer. My biggest problem month seems to be October. Obviously, the plan is to change that this year!
ABK
I keep track of my mileage on Nike+ and on DailyMile, but I've been using Nike+ longer. Obviously, because of that, it has my total mileage while DailyMile only has my most recent runs (within the last year or so). I use the DailyMile widget on my sidebar, but only because Nike+ doesn't have a widget compatible with blogger.
I like both these sites for keeping track of my running, but I like Nike+ a little more. The reason behind this is that you can input your info into DailyMile, and you can cheat it a little bit. I like that Nike+ takes the info directly from the chip, and therefore can't be faked.
I also like the levels it uses to show you your progress. Everyone starts at yellow (0-30mi) and then moves through orange (31-154mi), green (155-620mi), blue, purple, and then black. Nike+ allows you to set up challenges, goals, and a training schedule; because it connects through your iPod, the trainer can actually talk to you during your run.
DailyMile is a nice, easy way to keep my facebook, twitter, and other runners who use the website updated on my progress, but Nike+ is a better tool for my own personal use.
My Stats
Total mileage according to Nike+: 237.46
Total mileage according to DailyMile: 192.18
Fastest mile: 8:20
Fastest 5k: 28:09
Farthest run: 13.1 miles
I run the most often in the summer. My biggest problem month seems to be October. Obviously, the plan is to change that this year!
ABK
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Past, Present, Future
This introductory post is going to be a long one. Let's begin at the beginning, shall we?
Running History
In 2008, I was a student in grad school earning my masters in English education. Bogged down in studies, I was fighting with a crazily fluctuating weight and stress-induced lethargy. I was also newly engaged. With 2009 looming, I decided to focus my resolution on exercise.
I have never been a severely overweight person, but I was that kid in gym class who ran the mile in 20 minutes and then complained of being tired. I've had asthma since birth (this is not an exaggeration) and constantly used this as an excuse. I couldn't run a full lap around a track. Period. I had to walk about halfway in.
In high school and college I began to go to the gym, but it was always inconsistent. And, like many (dare I say "most"?) women, I battled disordered eating habits and an obsession with weight. It wasn't until grad school that I had a kind of epiphany. I didn't want to look at exercise as a competition; I didn't want to go to a gym and stare at a TV while I obsessed over calories on the elliptical. So, I made a resolution. I would learn to run outside.
"Like a real person," I said.
My fiance, M, was happy to help. I had an iPod and running shoes and was able to do my first couple runs without having to spend any money on "supplies". The first time I successfully ran a mile without stopping, I felt this sense of total elation and freedom. I, who could never even complete a lap around a track, could run a mile without pausing to walk!
My birthday falls right after Valentine's Day, and M and his mom worked together to buy me an iPod nano specifically for running, a Nike+, armband, and new Nike shoes. I was set! Having all the extra accoutrements really did motivate me to keep running.
I haven't looked back since. After getting married and moving for my job, I found a running buddy.
Running Pattern
I wouldn't say I stopped running after I began teaching, but teaching is not a job you leave at work when you go home. Coming home nightly to grade papers, tweak lesson plans, and work on furthering my own education completely destroyed my urge to run.
I teach English in a middle school; one of the other young teachers and I began to talk, and I realized that she, too, was a runner. We began to run together after school. This is definitely the best thing that has ever happened to my running. In grad school, my "running buddy" ran with me twice and then gave up. But K was different. She had run in high school and was avid. To this day, K is my running buddy; on days I don't want to run, knowing I'll let her down is the best way to get my feet into my sneakers.
In 2011, we ran a half marathon together. K had had a baby in May and we had been running all summer to train for the half, but when school started again our running fell by the wayside. We ran the half that January after months of not running at all. Talk about pain! Actually, I did injure myself. I did a mile run a day after the half and my knee hurt so badly I had to walk most of it. This is an injury I still need to baby today.
Can you tell I've never had formal running training?
So after the half, I took three months off from running. This brings me to my latest pattern. I don't run frequently enough. And this, of course, brings us to my future goal and this year's resolution!
Future Goal
My resolution, as I phrased it, was "run more consistently...don't have anymore blank months on DailyMile or Nike+." Well, okay. So how do I make sure I stay motivated?
For one thing, K also set a goal for a certain amount of miles this year, so we've got each other. I figured a blog that forced me to be held accountable for any excuses I make would also be a good thing.
I love running. It's a great way to clear my head. After eight hours of talking/lecturing or having people talk at me, it's a great time for reflection and silence. Sometimes I like to run alone to get a chance to just...mentally disappear for awhile. I mostly prefer running with K for the motivation, distraction, and camaraderie. Nothing solidifies a friendship more than the things you talk about after a good run.
So that's it. In 2009 I tied on my first pair of running shoes and haven't looked back. This year, I look forward to success in my fitness like I've never seen before! I encourage you to come along for the journey.
ABK
Running History
In 2008, I was a student in grad school earning my masters in English education. Bogged down in studies, I was fighting with a crazily fluctuating weight and stress-induced lethargy. I was also newly engaged. With 2009 looming, I decided to focus my resolution on exercise.
I have never been a severely overweight person, but I was that kid in gym class who ran the mile in 20 minutes and then complained of being tired. I've had asthma since birth (this is not an exaggeration) and constantly used this as an excuse. I couldn't run a full lap around a track. Period. I had to walk about halfway in.
In high school and college I began to go to the gym, but it was always inconsistent. And, like many (dare I say "most"?) women, I battled disordered eating habits and an obsession with weight. It wasn't until grad school that I had a kind of epiphany. I didn't want to look at exercise as a competition; I didn't want to go to a gym and stare at a TV while I obsessed over calories on the elliptical. So, I made a resolution. I would learn to run outside.
"Like a real person," I said.
My fiance, M, was happy to help. I had an iPod and running shoes and was able to do my first couple runs without having to spend any money on "supplies". The first time I successfully ran a mile without stopping, I felt this sense of total elation and freedom. I, who could never even complete a lap around a track, could run a mile without pausing to walk!
My birthday falls right after Valentine's Day, and M and his mom worked together to buy me an iPod nano specifically for running, a Nike+, armband, and new Nike shoes. I was set! Having all the extra accoutrements really did motivate me to keep running.
I haven't looked back since. After getting married and moving for my job, I found a running buddy.
Running Pattern
I wouldn't say I stopped running after I began teaching, but teaching is not a job you leave at work when you go home. Coming home nightly to grade papers, tweak lesson plans, and work on furthering my own education completely destroyed my urge to run.
I teach English in a middle school; one of the other young teachers and I began to talk, and I realized that she, too, was a runner. We began to run together after school. This is definitely the best thing that has ever happened to my running. In grad school, my "running buddy" ran with me twice and then gave up. But K was different. She had run in high school and was avid. To this day, K is my running buddy; on days I don't want to run, knowing I'll let her down is the best way to get my feet into my sneakers.
In 2011, we ran a half marathon together. K had had a baby in May and we had been running all summer to train for the half, but when school started again our running fell by the wayside. We ran the half that January after months of not running at all. Talk about pain! Actually, I did injure myself. I did a mile run a day after the half and my knee hurt so badly I had to walk most of it. This is an injury I still need to baby today.
Can you tell I've never had formal running training?
So after the half, I took three months off from running. This brings me to my latest pattern. I don't run frequently enough. And this, of course, brings us to my future goal and this year's resolution!
Future Goal
My resolution, as I phrased it, was "run more consistently...don't have anymore blank months on DailyMile or Nike+." Well, okay. So how do I make sure I stay motivated?
For one thing, K also set a goal for a certain amount of miles this year, so we've got each other. I figured a blog that forced me to be held accountable for any excuses I make would also be a good thing.
I love running. It's a great way to clear my head. After eight hours of talking/lecturing or having people talk at me, it's a great time for reflection and silence. Sometimes I like to run alone to get a chance to just...mentally disappear for awhile. I mostly prefer running with K for the motivation, distraction, and camaraderie. Nothing solidifies a friendship more than the things you talk about after a good run.
So that's it. In 2009 I tied on my first pair of running shoes and haven't looked back. This year, I look forward to success in my fitness like I've never seen before! I encourage you to come along for the journey.
ABK
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