Friday 5 - Catching Up

Today I'm going Eat Pray Run DC for the Friday 5 linkup!

1. Work: Today is the last day of school with kids, which means for me it's my last day with classes...maybe ever. I'm not sure I made a formal announcement here yet, but you guys may remember I've been training to be a CRT this year. Well, the position opened up at my school (one of our current CRTs is being promoted to assistant principal at another school), and I'll be taking her place! It's bittersweet, really.

I love being in the classroom with students; seeing the lightbulb moments, watching them connect to literature, expanding their global awareness and social understanding...I mean, I live for that. But I'm ready for a change, and I'm excited to mentor other teachers and help them create the same kind of atmosphere in their classrooms.

2. Mental health: I can't seem to focus this week. I'm just running on fumes. I think my exhaustion is making me emotional. I've been thinking about Archie a lot and I keep feeling the inexplicable urge to lock myself in the bathroom and cry for no reason. Wednesday I was at school for 15 hours because graduation was at 6pm, and the 8th grade dance followed until 9pm. The dance was fun and it was awesome to see the kids let loose, but I'm just exhausted. I just want to sit down, unwind, and let some of these emotions out. But I can't quite yet...I need to hold on another day.

3. Physical health: That exhaustion has translated into crappy eating. I've been eating way too much; I'm not necessarily hungry, but I'm an emotional eater so I'm definitely comfort eating. Of course, that makes me more tired and sluggish. I'm getting my workouts in, but this week I've just felt totally uninspired and unmotivated. I need to break the cycle.

4. Running: I still can't decide if I like my new Kayanos. I got the 22s in an 8.5 (like I usually do for the 21s) and they were super long in the toe box, but narrow. I tried the 8s and they were WAY too narrow! Then I tried them in the wide size. While that's better, it's not great.

Our "gym" on Tuesday.

I do think my feet have a little too much room to slip around, and I hate to tighten the laces too much because they'll pinch. I'm going to be trying a couple new shoes in the next few weeks to find a good replacement. I wrote a strongly-worded complaint and got a form-letter back. We'll see if they fix the issue of the narrowness in the 23s.

5. Weird and Random: I've been getting a lot of compliments lately from my student about...my eyebrows. What an odd thing for them to notice, and even odder for them to comment on!

I don't know...they're well-groomed, I guess?

On a less weird note, I've gotten a couple wonderful comments from the kids about class this year. They appreciate that I let them voice their opinions and that I've helped them explore new and challenging real-life topics via the literature we read. I'm so glad I made an impact on them, and I hope the spark I've helped to ignite in them continues to burn as they enter high school.

This has been a wonderful year to cap off my dedicated classroom time. My kids have been socially conscious, engaged, interested and interesting, bright, compassionate, and kind. Today I say goodbye to them...and my little kingdom in room 307.

How is your week going?
Does fatigue play tricks on your emotions?

ABK

The Long Run that Wasn't

I have, unfortunately, enough experience with running-while-grieving to kind of know what to expect. When my beloved dog Toby passed away a few years ago, my first run after her death was supposed to be 7 miles. I walked it in after 3.5; my body and mind just weren't ready for that kind of effort.

I remembered that this time around, but I didn't remember how long it really took me to get back into a running mindset. I skipped my scheduled 12-miler that Sunday. Tuesday I went on a run without a distance in mind. I ended up running way too fast as my emotions fueled me, and then had to walk it in after 2.5 miles. That's okay...I knew that run would just be about getting outside.

I joined Kristin for six miles Thursday morning, but missed my Friday run because I felt absolutely exhausted physically and mentally. Instead I did some free weights.

So my long run this weekend was supposed to be 14 miles, and I got up to go. I had my new Camelbak Circuit packed and ready. I had a route in mind. I knew it was supposed to pour around 8am but thought I could at least get a couple hours in.

Typical Florida weather I guess.

I prepped an assortment of food for the run. The Circuit held it all nicely, and still had room for my sunglasses.

But no. I just...wasn't there. It was too much time to think. Too much time alone. I kept remembering that Archie's been gone for a week already, and once I got thinking of that I just couldn't go on. I did just over four miles and came home, dejected.

I may go out again tonight and finish the rest of the distance, or, because we don't have school tomorrow, I may try again Monday morning. I don't want to shirk my long runs, but my mind and body just aren't feeling it right now.

I took quite a few walk breaks and my legs never really seemed to warm up this morning. Usually after a couple miles I start to enjoy myself, but today all I wanted to do was go back to bed.

I don't want to cut myself too much slack, and I certainly don't want to use Archie's passing as an excuse, and I don't want to keep thinking about it...But I know the source of this lethargy, and I know I just need a little more time. It still feels fresh. I'll persevere, but I need to be patient and diligent.

As for the Camelbak, I liked it. You can definitely hear sloshing but rather than annoy me, I actually like the rhythm. It doesn't bounce and it holds just enough stuff. Along with all the pockets in my running skirts, I'll never need to wear a belt again! It didn't chafe on this run; we'll soon see how it does on a longer run.

How do emotions affect your runs?
At what point do I just need to suck it up and push on?

ABK

"And it came to me then that every plan was a tiny prayer to Father Time"

The outpouring of support and love in the wake of Archie's passing has been overwhelming and so very appreciated. Matt and I are...Well, we're hanging in there. We have so many questions and so much self-recrimination as we turn over in our minds the events of Saturday. What did we do? What did we miss? How did this happen?

We cleaned Archie's cage and put it in storage Sunday, so that we won't be faced with it every time we go into the living room. It was harder, more final, than digging his grave for some reason. Grief has left me feeling weak and exhausted; I felt alright to go to work today, but after a full day of pretending everything was fine for the benefit of my students, I feel hollow and fragile again.

I didn't want this post to focus on Archie, but I have to address it. I'm distracted and off-kilter, but I'm attempting to move forward.

Last week, I had an (almost) perfect running week. Every day I planned to run in the morning, I ran. I was ready to conquer my long run, but I obviously skipped it. I haven't felt up to running. I do hope to run Tuesday evening and then get back on track for morning runs, even if my mileage is lower.

Last time a pet passed, running was too much time to think. It was awful. But I want to stay in my routine; I think it will help.

I just finished Haruki Murakami's What I Talk About When I Talk About Running and have a full review planned for this week, so hopefully that will help me ease back into blog posts that aren't maudlin.

But I just wanted to say thank you, and that your words have meant more than you can imagine. They've been a balm for an ache I think will never disappear, but has eased at least a little.

ABK

Goodbye, Little Bird

I wanted to end this week with a report on my training, but I can't bring myself to write it.

Archie passed away unexpectedly on Saturday. He was his usual energetic self all morning, but he started showing signs of illness sometime after lunch, and he stopped breathing around 4pm. Matt and I had been nursing him and we tried CPR, but to no avail.

Birds have evolved to hide illness until it's very serious; he's been sick once before and we must have gotten lucky because he recovered then. But this time...

We'll never know what made him so sick so fast, and not having answers makes this feel like some awful dream. It can't be true. But is is.

We are devastated. Archie was a huge part of everything we did daily. He was so curious and always wanted to be where the action was. If I was in the kitchen, he would be on my shoulder or in a cabinet, inspecting my work.

A video posted by Matt Kearney (@stokeonthewater) on Jul 2, 2015 at 4:40pm PDT

He loved to cuddle. He'd sit on our keyboards and nudge our fingers with his head when he wanted scratches.

He'd sit on our shoulders and press his beak against our faces when he wanted kisses. He slept in our shirts. He fell asleep in our hands. He would chirp and sing in his sleep. He would enjoy the ride under Matt's hat when we took road trips. 

He loved when we had rice or pasta for dinner, and he wasn't shy about eating off our plates, although he made quite the mess. When he heard me telling a story about my day, he'd hop over to me and get as close to my face as possible. Sometimes he would strut along the floor instead of flying, like he thought he was a little person. 

He loved to get tangled in my hair, and once we had to cut him free. He hated when I wore nail polish, so I never did. He loved to preen our eyelashes and eyebrows. 

He would sit on my shoulder and preen while I washed my face and brushed my teeth, so we always got ready for bed together.  He was truly a part of the family, not aloof or distant like some people might think a bird would be.

He loved everyone. It's unusual for lovebirds to bond with more than one person, but Archie bonded with both me and Matt AND he loved everyone who walked through our door. He wanted to always be near people.

And now the house feels empty and quiet. It was so sudden. It just feels so unfair.

We put him in his little bed and then into a box, which we buried in an underground cairn in the backyard. Archie loved cardboard boxes, so it almost seemed fitting for one to be his final resting place. We bought a birdbath and ceramic bird ornament to finish the memorial. As we were digging the grave, a little rainbow appeared in the sky. As we finished putting in the birdbath, a huge storm unleashed. We sat outside and watched until it was too dark to see. We didn't want to leave him alone out there, when he so clearly belonged warm and soft in our shirts inside the house. We did what we could, but it still feels nightmarish and unreal.

I'm trying to take comfort in knowing that in his final moments, he felt the warmth of our hands and heard the sound of our voices. He wasn't alone. He was such a little bird, and so young to die so suddenly. We did what we could to give him a full, happy life, and I think he knew how loved he was.

Baby Archie, October 2011. Rest in peace, little bird.

ABK

How We Became Bird People

Archie came home to live with Matt and me mere months before I started this blog, and I realized that I never really explained how we ended up with what appears to be a totally random pet. Most people hear that we have a bird and think he must live much like a fish - caged up, for decoration. But as you've all seen (mostly via IG), Archie is not a fish-bird.

(Could a fish get himself tangled in my hair as he attempts to build a nest? I don't think so.)

Originally, Matt and I wanted to get a dog. We both had dogs growing up and are really dog-people. The trouble with dogs, though, is that they take a lot of time and care. Being young and just-married, we didn't really want a pet that would encroach on traveling, cost a lot of money, and make daily schedules too constrained. And while a cat would be the more traditional route to go in, Matt and I are both allergic.

My beloved Toby got me through a lot of hard times; I don't think I could honestly ever have another dog after her.

As a teenager, Matt had a lovebird named Lucy who he adored. Her cage was knocked over in a storm and she flew away, never to be seen again. With his love for Lucy still fresh in his mind all these years later, Matt began to brainwash me into thinking a bird was a good idea for a pet.

(Clearly he was right, because how could a pet that can bathe itself in a sink be a bad idea?!)

At first, I was skeptical. Birds, cuddly? Birds, cute? Birds, silly/adorable/personable? I could hardly believe it. But I finally gave in because Matt had already contacted a breeder.

Cuddly? They sure are!

When we met our breeder, he had three baby lovebirds in a box for us to look at. He pointed out the "best two" and I held the first. I was terrified! I thought I'd crush his tiny little body! But he was soft and docile and sweet. He had a lime green belly and big googly eyes. When I went to hold the second, he leapt out of my hand, and I decided right then that I wanted the bird who seemed to want me. And thus, we had found our little Archie.

(This video is from when Archie was brand new. He used to fall asleep on us all the time because, as a baby, he needed naptime. Listen with volume; he used to practice his chirps in his sleep.)

At first we wanted to name him Mikey, for Michelangelo, but because we know a Mikey in real life, we decided to name him Archie. (His full name is Archibald Michelangelo because giving tiny creatures big names is funny.)

Having a bird has taught me many things. First of all, birds are super cuddly if you raise them to be. If they're in a cage all the time, they won't like being held. But we socialized Archie from the start - he's rarely in his cage if we're home. I also learned that lovebirds are smart, clever, and hilarious. They can learn tricks. They can come when called. They have giant personalities!

A video posted by Ali (@abk_runs) on Mar 26, 2014 at 7:47pm PDT

I have had so many friends tell me they don't usually like birds but Archie is so cute. The truth is, now I'm a bird person. I think all birds are adorable; I look at tiny finches and giant macaws and I see the curiosity and and bright intelligence of Archie. 

I'm so grateful that Matt convinced me to get a bird. People think it's weird to love a bird the way you love a dog or a cat, but I'm willing to be weird. Archie is my little birdy child, and I'm not ashamed to admit it!

When Archie got sick last year, it tore my heart out!

Oh, and remember the reasons we didn't want a dog? It's pretty ironic, because even though we liked the idea of getting a bird so we could leave for weekends and be unencumbered, we hate to leave Archie alone and usually bring him with us! We just love him too much.

Have you ever had an untraditional pet?

How did you meet your current animal-babies?

ABK

Saturday Sundry

I'm spending my first official Saturday of winter break finishing grades and cleaning the house for potential guests, so today's post is going to be super random. I haven't been running this week because for some reason the week leading up to break is more exhausting than normal school weeks; I'm excited to get to run on my own terms for the next couple weeks.

So, let the random begin!

1. The lovely people at People/Target/MLB put together a 100-page, full-color photobook for this summer's All Star Teachers and mine came in the mail a little while ago. It's absolutely gorgeous and captures all the best memories from the trip. I am so grateful that they thought to do this for all of us!

2. December for teachers means sweet gifts from students. I never expect them but I definitely appreciate them. One student got me this absolutely gorgeous nutcracker. I've never had one before and it's such an original gift!

3. Still on the topic of holiday gifts, most of my students give me Christmas gifts, but one in particular this year remembered that I'm Jewish. It's a little thing that really made my day; plus, she spelled Hanukkah right!

4. If you missed it on Instagram, I finally cut my hair. I love my stylist so much; she always knows exactly what I want. I showed her some pictures and told her I was ready to chop it all off and this was the result. I was grinning through the entire cut; I didn't have even one second of remorse as six inches of hair fell to the floor.

5. I found these little snack packs of olives and am addicted. I love olives and I love the convenience of these packs. You know the theory that pickle juice is good for cramps during long races? I wonder if olives would have a similar effect. I plan on experimenting with these next time I'm training for a marathon.

I was only going to post five, but here's a bonus...I'm having a hard time finishing this post because someone decided to take a nap on my keyboard:

Do you like olives?

Share something random!

ABK

Something Old, Something New

Tuesday's recovery run was the perfect example of why "recovery" means "easy pace". I took Sunday and Monday off after my 15-miler and my legs felt amazing, but after two miles Tuesday they were wobbly as hell.

Wet phone = melty runfie.

I guess as awesome as my legs felt, they were still a little tapped from the long run. At least the view was pretty, and there was a nice drizzle.

Anyway, I'm super excited for this weekend. Tonight I picked up my race packet for Sunday's race and seeing the medal on display and getting my bib just reminded me of how much I love racing.

It's been since April that I've raced, and part of me has been thinking I'm kind of over it. I had to skip a bunch of my usual fall races because we've been trying to spend wisely, and I don't really mind making that sacrifice.

But wow, am I excited to toe the starting line twice this weekend!

The something old race is the Sanibel 10k I've done twice before (in 2012 and 2013). I love the route and the cause. The something new race is the Rocktoberfest 10-miler. I've never run a 10 mile race before (the 15k I did last year was close I guess), so it's not only a new race, but also a new distance...automatic PR, right?

This may be the lowest bib number I've ever worn...and it's my lucky number, too!

More than 50 members of the Sub-30 Club are in PA for the Runner's World Festival. I couldn't make it this year, but luckily someone had the bright idea to send flatties in our places. Flat!Ali is already enjoying pho and good company thanks to Patricia!

Apparently Flat!Ali can eat gluten. Lucky.

I also picked up a belt to try out over the next few weeks before the marathon. I'd like to be able to put my phone in the belt and have room for Gu...I've been chafing under my armband and the velcro is giving up, too, so I definitely want to avoid wearing it for like...six hours of running.

On a different note, this week has been rough...not running-wise, but work-wise. Sometimes I just feel like I'm missing the mark. Once in awhile, especially when report cards loom, all I can think about is sleep. (Yes, quarter 1 ends Monday. Isn't that crazy?!) This is a candid Matt took the other night:

I'm literally asleep and Archie is sleeping perched on my eyeball.

When Matt showed me this I nearly died laughing. I was so exhausted I fell asleep and stayed asleep for over an hour with the light on and the bird on my face!

After a couple good nights' sleep, some wine, and an incredibly therapeutic bridge run with Kristin, I'm feeling much better.

When is the last time you raced?

 What's the weirdest place/position you've slept in?
What makes you feel better after a rough week?

 Photos of you sleeping: cute or creepy? I'd say creepy 99% of the time but this one is acceptable because it's really more of Archie than myself.

ABK

Wednesday is Sneaky

Seriously, how is it mid-week already?!

A couple weekends ago, after my three hour long run, Matt's paddling friends invited me to go along. Some of the other wives were going, and they're not big paddlers like Matt and the guys, so they were wondering if I'd like to join. I'm happy to branch out and make new friends, but paddling after three hours of running sounded like torture.

So I promised to go this weekend. And I did. It's been ages since I last paddled and it showed. I was slow and unsteady. I may have even had a panic attack...there may have been tears, which I haven't experienced while paddling since my very first time going.

There's no better way to enjoy a cold front than getting completely sunburned like a moron. Note to self: cool weather doesn't mean weaker rays.

The good news is that I did get to meet new people and they were pretty awesome. And even though I fell off my board when a double-wake hit me, I dealt with it much better than last time I fell. We saw one dolphin but no manatees, thank goodness.

After three days straight of working out, I chose to push my run from Monday to Tuesday to give myself some recovery time. I took my short recovery run to the golf course, as usual, and it was pretty empty except for a surprising abundance of gnats. 

Is it just me or does one of my eyes like weirdly blurry in this pic?!

Afterward, I hopped in the pool and spent a little time with Archie. I feel bad when I'm so busy that he's in the cage all day. Luckily he doesn't seem to mind hanging out when I'm sweaty.

His fondness for sweaty sports bras is actually kind of disgusting.

We spent some quality time taking selfies. Here's one of us making the same face:

Don't be fooled by his apparent inability to change facial expressions; he's totally posing here.

Remember a few weeks ago when I was debating what to do as far as fall races go? Well, a decision has been made! After staging a very clear and logical argument about the need to race pre-marathon and my love for repeating local races, Matt buckled and decided we could afford for me to do both races I was hoping for! 

So in a couple weekends, I'll be running a 10k Saturday and 10-miler Sunday. I haven't decided on goals or strategy yet. Seeing as I'll be running 15 miles the weekend before and 20 the weekend after, I don't want to push too hard, but because the distance of my "long run" will be split up that weekend, it means I don't have to go as easy as I usually do.

I think weather will dictate some of it, too! Our cold front lasted all of 24 hours; it got steamy again PDQ. Come back, fall. I miss you already.

How many days in a row do you usually work out?

Long run experts, how would you strategize for these races?

Do you read more into your pet's personality than might be considered "normal"? Yes, and I'm complete unapologetic about it. Deal with it.

ABK

Relentless Forward Progress

Sometimes RFP is all we can ask of ourselves. I set off Saturday morning for a three hour long run. I had hoped the run would bring me to about 15 miles, and at last week's paces it would have. But some days are tougher than others, and I finished 2 hours 55 minutes at 13.5 miles for my long, slow run. (If I'd done those last five minutes I may have hit 14 miles, but I was wiped!)

Sarah ended up being the only person who could meet me, but she stayed for the entire run when she had originally just planned to run 10. I committed a blogger faux pas and took zero pictures. The run itself was uneventful; despite having my favorite pre-LSD meal, I was more tired than I expected but I got it done. And that's all I can say about that.

Sushi is always my go-to before a long run or race.

The minute I got home, I stripped off the non-essentials and jumped into the pool. Because the run was long, it was already in the 80s and super sunny when we finished!

Archie joined me for his own little birdbath, then attempted to dry off on my head.

I enjoyed chocolate milk (am I the only one who likes to put ice in my milk to make sure it stays as cold as possible?) with breakfast, then relaxed while Matt and his dad installed a new window in the room that, once cleaned up, will be our office.

Two eggs over-easy, bacon, and chocolate milk. The breakfast of champions!

Men at work.

The other shelves Matt built a couple weeks ago. After we put up all those decorations, we discovered another box filled with books, so I have to get back up there and remove the decorative stuff so the books have somewhere to go!

One reason I like running long on Saturdays instead of Sundays is that I know I can be lazy afterward without pressure to be productive. Laundry, grocery shopping, grading...all that can wait! We spent the evening watching The Family. 

Next week my long run will be shorter, and I've already mapped out the route for my next LONG-long run. I'm feeling more confident about upping my miles again, which is good; yet I can't help but get nervous about finishing the marathon before the finish line closes. I know taper will help my legs, but right now they're just so tired! It's hard to imagine running 26.2 miles at the pace I'll need to finish in time.

Perspective.

That's a real fear; I'm putting it out there, because maybe that will help me come to terms with it and work through it.

Have you ever been worried about not finishing a race before cut-off?

What's your favorite post-run meal?

Raw sushi: yay or nay?

ABK