"And it came to me then that every plan was a tiny prayer to Father Time"

The outpouring of support and love in the wake of Archie's passing has been overwhelming and so very appreciated. Matt and I are...Well, we're hanging in there. We have so many questions and so much self-recrimination as we turn over in our minds the events of Saturday. What did we do? What did we miss? How did this happen?

We cleaned Archie's cage and put it in storage Sunday, so that we won't be faced with it every time we go into the living room. It was harder, more final, than digging his grave for some reason. Grief has left me feeling weak and exhausted; I felt alright to go to work today, but after a full day of pretending everything was fine for the benefit of my students, I feel hollow and fragile again.

I didn't want this post to focus on Archie, but I have to address it. I'm distracted and off-kilter, but I'm attempting to move forward.

Last week, I had an (almost) perfect running week. Every day I planned to run in the morning, I ran. I was ready to conquer my long run, but I obviously skipped it. I haven't felt up to running. I do hope to run Tuesday evening and then get back on track for morning runs, even if my mileage is lower.

Last time a pet passed, running was too much time to think. It was awful. But I want to stay in my routine; I think it will help.

I just finished Haruki Murakami's What I Talk About When I Talk About Running and have a full review planned for this week, so hopefully that will help me ease back into blog posts that aren't maudlin.

But I just wanted to say thank you, and that your words have meant more than you can imagine. They've been a balm for an ache I think will never disappear, but has eased at least a little.

ABK

Goodbye, Little Bird

I wanted to end this week with a report on my training, but I can't bring myself to write it.

Archie passed away unexpectedly on Saturday. He was his usual energetic self all morning, but he started showing signs of illness sometime after lunch, and he stopped breathing around 4pm. Matt and I had been nursing him and we tried CPR, but to no avail.

Birds have evolved to hide illness until it's very serious; he's been sick once before and we must have gotten lucky because he recovered then. But this time...

We'll never know what made him so sick so fast, and not having answers makes this feel like some awful dream. It can't be true. But is is.

We are devastated. Archie was a huge part of everything we did daily. He was so curious and always wanted to be where the action was. If I was in the kitchen, he would be on my shoulder or in a cabinet, inspecting my work.

A video posted by Matt Kearney (@stokeonthewater) on Jul 2, 2015 at 4:40pm PDT

He loved to cuddle. He'd sit on our keyboards and nudge our fingers with his head when he wanted scratches.

He'd sit on our shoulders and press his beak against our faces when he wanted kisses. He slept in our shirts. He fell asleep in our hands. He would chirp and sing in his sleep. He would enjoy the ride under Matt's hat when we took road trips. 

He loved when we had rice or pasta for dinner, and he wasn't shy about eating off our plates, although he made quite the mess. When he heard me telling a story about my day, he'd hop over to me and get as close to my face as possible. Sometimes he would strut along the floor instead of flying, like he thought he was a little person. 

He loved to get tangled in my hair, and once we had to cut him free. He hated when I wore nail polish, so I never did. He loved to preen our eyelashes and eyebrows. 

He would sit on my shoulder and preen while I washed my face and brushed my teeth, so we always got ready for bed together.  He was truly a part of the family, not aloof or distant like some people might think a bird would be.

He loved everyone. It's unusual for lovebirds to bond with more than one person, but Archie bonded with both me and Matt AND he loved everyone who walked through our door. He wanted to always be near people.

And now the house feels empty and quiet. It was so sudden. It just feels so unfair.

We put him in his little bed and then into a box, which we buried in an underground cairn in the backyard. Archie loved cardboard boxes, so it almost seemed fitting for one to be his final resting place. We bought a birdbath and ceramic bird ornament to finish the memorial. As we were digging the grave, a little rainbow appeared in the sky. As we finished putting in the birdbath, a huge storm unleashed. We sat outside and watched until it was too dark to see. We didn't want to leave him alone out there, when he so clearly belonged warm and soft in our shirts inside the house. We did what we could, but it still feels nightmarish and unreal.

I'm trying to take comfort in knowing that in his final moments, he felt the warmth of our hands and heard the sound of our voices. He wasn't alone. He was such a little bird, and so young to die so suddenly. We did what we could to give him a full, happy life, and I think he knew how loved he was.

Baby Archie, October 2011. Rest in peace, little bird.

ABK

How We Became Bird People

Archie came home to live with Matt and me mere months before I started this blog, and I realized that I never really explained how we ended up with what appears to be a totally random pet. Most people hear that we have a bird and think he must live much like a fish - caged up, for decoration. But as you've all seen (mostly via IG), Archie is not a fish-bird.

(Could a fish get himself tangled in my hair as he attempts to build a nest? I don't think so.)

Originally, Matt and I wanted to get a dog. We both had dogs growing up and are really dog-people. The trouble with dogs, though, is that they take a lot of time and care. Being young and just-married, we didn't really want a pet that would encroach on traveling, cost a lot of money, and make daily schedules too constrained. And while a cat would be the more traditional route to go in, Matt and I are both allergic.

My beloved Toby got me through a lot of hard times; I don't think I could honestly ever have another dog after her.

As a teenager, Matt had a lovebird named Lucy who he adored. Her cage was knocked over in a storm and she flew away, never to be seen again. With his love for Lucy still fresh in his mind all these years later, Matt began to brainwash me into thinking a bird was a good idea for a pet.

(Clearly he was right, because how could a pet that can bathe itself in a sink be a bad idea?!)

At first, I was skeptical. Birds, cuddly? Birds, cute? Birds, silly/adorable/personable? I could hardly believe it. But I finally gave in because Matt had already contacted a breeder.

Cuddly? They sure are!

When we met our breeder, he had three baby lovebirds in a box for us to look at. He pointed out the "best two" and I held the first. I was terrified! I thought I'd crush his tiny little body! But he was soft and docile and sweet. He had a lime green belly and big googly eyes. When I went to hold the second, he leapt out of my hand, and I decided right then that I wanted the bird who seemed to want me. And thus, we had found our little Archie.

(This video is from when Archie was brand new. He used to fall asleep on us all the time because, as a baby, he needed naptime. Listen with volume; he used to practice his chirps in his sleep.)

At first we wanted to name him Mikey, for Michelangelo, but because we know a Mikey in real life, we decided to name him Archie. (His full name is Archibald Michelangelo because giving tiny creatures big names is funny.)

Having a bird has taught me many things. First of all, birds are super cuddly if you raise them to be. If they're in a cage all the time, they won't like being held. But we socialized Archie from the start - he's rarely in his cage if we're home. I also learned that lovebirds are smart, clever, and hilarious. They can learn tricks. They can come when called. They have giant personalities!

A video posted by Ali (@abk_runs) on Mar 26, 2014 at 7:47pm PDT

I have had so many friends tell me they don't usually like birds but Archie is so cute. The truth is, now I'm a bird person. I think all birds are adorable; I look at tiny finches and giant macaws and I see the curiosity and and bright intelligence of Archie. 

I'm so grateful that Matt convinced me to get a bird. People think it's weird to love a bird the way you love a dog or a cat, but I'm willing to be weird. Archie is my little birdy child, and I'm not ashamed to admit it!

When Archie got sick last year, it tore my heart out!

Oh, and remember the reasons we didn't want a dog? It's pretty ironic, because even though we liked the idea of getting a bird so we could leave for weekends and be unencumbered, we hate to leave Archie alone and usually bring him with us! We just love him too much.

Have you ever had an untraditional pet?

How did you meet your current animal-babies?

ABK