The Long Run that Wasn't

I have, unfortunately, enough experience with running-while-grieving to kind of know what to expect. When my beloved dog Toby passed away a few years ago, my first run after her death was supposed to be 7 miles. I walked it in after 3.5; my body and mind just weren't ready for that kind of effort.

I remembered that this time around, but I didn't remember how long it really took me to get back into a running mindset. I skipped my scheduled 12-miler that Sunday. Tuesday I went on a run without a distance in mind. I ended up running way too fast as my emotions fueled me, and then had to walk it in after 2.5 miles. That's okay...I knew that run would just be about getting outside.

I joined Kristin for six miles Thursday morning, but missed my Friday run because I felt absolutely exhausted physically and mentally. Instead I did some free weights.

So my long run this weekend was supposed to be 14 miles, and I got up to go. I had my new Camelbak Circuit packed and ready. I had a route in mind. I knew it was supposed to pour around 8am but thought I could at least get a couple hours in.

Typical Florida weather I guess.

I prepped an assortment of food for the run. The Circuit held it all nicely, and still had room for my sunglasses.

But no. I just...wasn't there. It was too much time to think. Too much time alone. I kept remembering that Archie's been gone for a week already, and once I got thinking of that I just couldn't go on. I did just over four miles and came home, dejected.

I may go out again tonight and finish the rest of the distance, or, because we don't have school tomorrow, I may try again Monday morning. I don't want to shirk my long runs, but my mind and body just aren't feeling it right now.

I took quite a few walk breaks and my legs never really seemed to warm up this morning. Usually after a couple miles I start to enjoy myself, but today all I wanted to do was go back to bed.

I don't want to cut myself too much slack, and I certainly don't want to use Archie's passing as an excuse, and I don't want to keep thinking about it...But I know the source of this lethargy, and I know I just need a little more time. It still feels fresh. I'll persevere, but I need to be patient and diligent.

As for the Camelbak, I liked it. You can definitely hear sloshing but rather than annoy me, I actually like the rhythm. It doesn't bounce and it holds just enough stuff. Along with all the pockets in my running skirts, I'll never need to wear a belt again! It didn't chafe on this run; we'll soon see how it does on a longer run.

How do emotions affect your runs?
At what point do I just need to suck it up and push on?

ABK