TOL - Just Some Things

Today I'm linking up with Amanda at Running with Spoons to share some random thoughts.

1. More kitchen stuff! Our kitchen island came! I spent over four hours putting it together all by myself. It was a pain because the instructions weren't clear about which way certain boards had to face, so I ended up taking it apart and starting over twice.

I insisted on building this all alone and it SUCKED but now I feel like I can do anything!

But it's gorgeous! I built the doors and drawer and lifted the granite top (which is real granite and so freaking heavy) and everything! I was pretty proud.

It was really hard to get a good angle in these photos but you get the idea!

I've already used it to prep breakfast and dinner and I'm so glad I finally decided to just jump in and buy one - Matt and I had debated getting an island for months but it was definitely the right choice. 

2. Self-love. This week I realized how far I've come in the "body acceptance" area of my life. Like, I've finally gone from "acceptance" to full on embracing my body.

Instagram always brings up a lot of fitness accounts when I'm scrolling through searching for new people to follow, and often that means "fitspo"-type posts come up. Looking at some of those photos this week, I found that I wasn't comparing myself to IG accounts of perfectly fit or impossibly thin women.

I've spoken only briefly of it in the past, but I've dealt with disordered eating and I was surprised and proud to see that my mindset has finally naturally shifted away from wanting a waif-like body. (Some people are naturally waif-like, and that's fine, but that's not me.) I've never been happier with where my body is and what it's capable of, and it felt really good to avoid that comparison trap completely without having to consciously readjust my mindset.

3. RUNNING! Getting four runs in last week, even if our "long run" was shorter than planned, felt so good. I told Elizabeth after one of my two runs in late December that my body and mind felt good after running even if my legs didn't - I forget how important running is to my over-all wellbeing. I am so, so happy to be running again.

It feels great to be back!

Elizabeth raised a good point when so many people teased us for wearing long sleeves on our run Sunday...It literally goes from 80+ degrees to 50s overnight in Florida. We never acclimate to winter properly because the temperature drops 30 degrees without warning! That makes me feel better about how cold I felt!

4. Conversations on the run. While running one afternoon, Elizabeth and I received a few more honks than usual. (One of them was very encouraging and called out, "Keep it up, girls!" but the rest were just obnoxious as usual.)

We'd been having a normal running conversation, but eventually I couldn't ignore how strange it was that we'd received more honks during this one run than on the last dozen combined.

Me: "I wonder if we look really good right now, or if we look like we're dying and need to be woken up. Or if they think this is our New Year's resolution and they're trying to encourage us?"

E: "I wonder if they'd honk at us if they knew we were talking about poop."

I died laughing. Seriously! I imagine the people who honk and catcall would be pretty surprised if we turned around and told them we'd been talking about how running wreaks havoc on your intestinal tract.

We joked a little bit about maybe getting shirts that say WE'RE TALKING ABOUT POOP on the back so drivers have fair warning. It might make a good deterrent!

5. Candids. And, just because, here's an outtake from our workout picture from Monday. An old student had stopped by as we finished up, so he took the photo, and we were joking around about how we should pose.

Me: Let's look really sad that our arms hurt now. E: You are a dork.

What are some random things going on in your life this week?
Have you ever built furniture? (IKEA counts!)

ABK

Running & NEDA Week

On my work trip to Miami this week, a colleague told me (after watching me polish off a gluten free pizza and pizookie) that she was relieved to see me eat so much because I usually "eat like a bird" at lunch time. (To clarify, if I eat too heavily at lunch, I have trouble functioning during my afternoon classes.)

Anyway, this reminded me that this week is National Eating Disorder Awareness Week. 

This issue strikes close to home for many reasons. As a teacher of adolescents, I am particularly attuned to the kind of pervasive body-shame language in our culture, especially among young people. As a woman, I'm all too aware of the negative way we talk about food, diets, fat, and body shapes. As a runner who frequents running forums, blogs, and websites, the discussion of orthorexia and over-exercising comes up at least weekly. 

And that's to say nothing of the many men and women I care about who have struggled with eating disorders themselves.

Kristina wrote a really wonderful post this week that breaks down some of the common misconceptions about eating disorders. I'm not planning to get into all that; her post is pretty perfect and I urge you to read it for more information. (Or go to the NEDA website here.)

What I do want to touch on is that, like many mental illnesses, we tend to try to sweep eating disorders under the rug or gloss over them, as if they're not a serious illness. We as a culture have a bad habit of commenting on and congratulating weight-loss when we should be focusing on positive changes in healthy lifestyle habits. We glorify weight-loss and see it as the ultimate signifier of health.

I don't want to get preachy or offer unsolicited advice or help that I'm not qualified to offer, but I am going to repost my own story...It's a good reminder to myself about how far I've come and how much better my life is now, and maybe it will help to shed some light for others as well.

When I Had A Thigh Gap

 (Originally posted 24 April 2014)

Today, I overheard a group of my female students discussing diets and lamenting over the fact that they don't have a thigh gap. I thought this trend was on the way out, but apparently I'm just not frequenting the seedy parts of the internet these days.

I told them their discussion depressed me; they're too smart to care about something so trivial, especially because their bodies will be changing drastically in the next few years, and because at least one of these girls is a runner. I assured them that thigh gaps have more to do with bone structure anyway.

But this all got me thinking about those days when I was too-too thin and my thighs didn't touch.

When I had a thigh gap, I had...

Really low self-esteem. No number was low enough. I hated myself everyday.

Hair loss due to malnutrition.

Brittle nails because...well, see above.

Mood swings and a short temper. I was constantly hungry, which meant I was constantly angry and upset.

Memory and focus problems. Days went by in a fog most of the time.

Terrible skin. Drastic dieting led to dry, thin skin.

Trouble socializing. I was too focused on how I looked and whether I would have to eat in front of people to even bother making an effort.

A relapse into clinical depression. I think this one doesn't need much explaining.

My thighs touch these days. They are strong, muscular, and powerful. They push me through long runs, up hills, across finish lines...They make me feel confident. They make me feel like a woman. They make me feel proud of my body.

These thighs helped me PR my last half marathon [at the time of the original post], and I'm damn proud of them.

The thigh gap seems to be, to this generation, what the magical number on the scale was to me back then. But of course, when I hit that number, I never felt satisfied. If anything, the less I weighed, the more I hated myself, because I still didn't look how I wanted to look. (Body dysmorphia will do that to you.) Obtaining a thigh gap might seem like it will be the moment of victory to these girls, but I know - as do so many others who have been there - that it's just the lid off the first can of worms.

I will never have a thigh gap again, and I couldn't be happier about it.

Can you relate?

Share: why is life better when you're not obsessing over your body?

What would you say to young girls struggling with their bodies?

ABK

When I Had a Thigh Gap

Today, I overheard a group of my female students discussing diets and lamenting over the fact that they don't have a thigh gap. I thought this trend was on the way out, but apparently I'm just not frequenting the seedy parts of the internet these days.

I told them their discussion depressed me; they're too smart to care about something so trivial, especially because their bodies will be changing drastically in the next few years, and because at least one of these girls is a runner. I assured them that thigh gaps have more to do with bone structure anyway.

But this all got me thinking about those days when I was too-too thin and my thighs didn't touch.

When I had a thigh gap, I had...

Really low self-esteem. No number was low enough. I hated myself everyday.

Hair loss due to malnutrition.

Brittle nails because...well, see above.

Mood swings and a short temper. I was constantly hungry, which meant I was constantly angry and upset.

Memory and focus problems. Days went by in a fog most of the time.

Terrible skin. Drastic dieting led to dry, thin skin.

Trouble socializing. I was too focused on how I looked and whether I would have to eat in front of people to even bother making an effort.

A relapse into clinical depression. I think this one doesn't need much explaining.

My thighs touch these days. They are strong, muscular, and powerful. They push me through long runs, up hills, across finish lines...They make me feel confident. They make me feel like a woman. They make me feel proud of my body.

These thighs helped me PR my last half marathon, and I'm damn proud of them.

The thigh gap seems to be, to this generation, what the magical number on the scale was to me back then. But of course, when I hit that number, I never felt satisfied. If anything, the less I weighed, the more I hated myself, because I still didn't look how I wanted to look. (Body dysmorphia will do that to you.) Obtaining a thigh gap might seem like it will be the moment of victory to these girls, but I know - as do so many others who have been there - that it's just the lid off the first can of worms.

I will never have a thigh gap again, and I couldn't be happier about it.

Can you relate?
Share: why is life better when you're not obsessing over your body?
What would you say to young girls struggling with their bodies?

ABK