A couple weeks ago, I went back to see my doctor and schedule my fasciotomy. Not only has my calf pain been back, but the mental and emotional anguish of being injured has been weighing heavily on me. Running has been the only exercise that ever worked for me; I believe it played a huge role in making my depression manageable and helping me live a more balanced, happier life.
So I am very much looking forward to surgery at the end of the month. I'm savoring each run right now; after surgery it will be three months before I can be truly back to running the way I like, or think seriously about training.
This month I wrote a post for the Skirt Sports blog about my WORD. A word that motivates me and keeps me moving. I have used transcend as a mantra for ages - it has applied to overcoming pain, doubt, negativity, and fear. These days, it seems even more applicable to life in general.
I laughed a little at this robot's assessment of my writing skills. Doesn't it know purposeful repetition is an artistic choice?!
Product Review Update
I've tried out the MIIEGO headphones a couple more times. While they definitely resulted in sweaty ears at the gym, I found this wasn't as uncomfortable as I thought it would be when outside.
The picture on the right shows all the sweat from wearing them to the gym, but after my outdoor runs they're not this sweaty!
The band across the back is still a little too tight and pulls a bit, but otherwise I'm pretty happy with them. I hope the band loosens up a touch with use, because right now my one major complaint is that they slip due to the band wanting to rebound into its twisty shape.
Work
I'm enjoying being back at work. This year we have a third CRT (curriculum resource teacher) and it's been great! The three of us make a really strong team.
We had 78% totality during dismissal on Monday. That was fun!
We moved into a bigger office this year, too, and it's much nicer than the old one. The year has gotten off to a smooth start so far.
Real Life
Last Friday, some friends joined me and Matt for a peaceful march of resistance and reflection, followed by a vigil for Charlottesville and Heather Heyer. It is very hard for me to explain how it feels, as a Jewish woman and an American, to see Nazis brazenly marching in the streets, but gathering with others in hope and love served as a balm for my sore heart and strengthened my resolve to resist.
And seeing the response in Boston? That was perfect.
What is your word? How have you been dealing with national events lately? ABK
Alternatively Titled: This Country was Built on the Backs of Slaves
Bear with me while I climb up on my soapbox for a minute here.
There are many things I love about our annual class trip to Washington, DC: the symbolism of the monuments, the architecture, the gorgeous photographs in the Museum of Natural History, the naive idealism that used to be politics, evident in the video presentation preceding the tour of the Capitol Building...
But in the last couple years, I've been more and more bothered by the conspicuous absence of any worthwhile discussion of the real "founding" of America.
There is brief talk of slavery when we visit Mount Vernon and explore the slave quarters, but it does not come up again on the trip. I don't know how to explain what I'm feeling here...Slavery is covered so superficially and in such a way that the reputation of the Founding Fathers is protected. I don't want our 13-year-old students to hear graphic details of slave auctions and rape and abuse but I wish they could hear some objective truth to clarify that these men were flawed human beings, not omniscient gods, not mythical, untouchable legends, and we should take care not to idolize people.
But it seems that any sort of criticism makes one unpatriotic...and apparently that is the worst thing you could be.
There is a profound discomfort as our guide tells us to look left and right at various buildings as we drive by but remains silent as we pass the new National Museum of African American History and Culture, drawing no attention to it.
There is no mention at all of the genocide that had to be orchestrated to allow us to live in this country today. Portraits and statues suggest that Indigenous peoples were eager to give up their land and their homes for the sake of white colonialism.
Our guides overuse "these men died for your freedom" at memorials until it loses all meaning. I want to experience a tour that doesn't glorify the darkest parts of American history while whitewashing them at the same time.
All of this makes me incredibly uncomfortable. The reverence for the Founding Fathers borders on fanatical at times, and their shortcomings are dismissed because "well, that was normal for the time period." It is not normal for us, and giving them a pass normalizes racism and sexism, as if there was once an acceptable time to curtail rights and own human beings.
I wish our tours were more honest about our history. I wish we had a chance to see diverse monuments that pay homage to the people who toiled against their will so we could live here as we do.
America did not spring up in a vacuum. It was not manifest destiny. People were murdered to secure our place on this land. The country was built through slave labor in the most literal sense of the phrase. And here we are, reaping the benefits, and barely sparing a moment to acknowledge from whence we came.
This is "our country". We feel that we own it. We take pride in it. (Sometimes.) We feel patriotic toward it. (Maybe.) But this blinkered nationalism...It has always made my skin crawl, and it seems to get worse every year.
I think this trip is valuable, but I just can't help but feel we're missing an opportunity to deepen the lesson and explore crucial complexities that would help our students develop compassion alongside national pride. Would it kill us to inject a little honesty into our history lessons?
We talk about fighting. About not giving up. But what does it really mean? What does it look like?
It looks like this:
Unless noted otherwise, I borrowed photos from Erin Stoffel's album. Photos without attribution are my own.
The timing of this march couldn't have been better. On Thursday and Friday I had attended the 8th grade field trip to the Holocaust Museum in Naples and listened as the docent reminded students that any act of bullying or ostracizing others could lead to dehumanizing and eventually killing people who are different. The museum seeks to educate the community to be compassionate; this march was a great modern-day example of just that.
On Saturday, I woke up early to attend the Naples Sister March of the Women's March on Washington. I had spent Friday night creating my sign and painting my nails Madam President pink. At 8am, Matt and I were ready to meet James and join the Women's March.
I was excited when I saw this in the mail, with its purr-fect return-address. My runner-friend Emily sent me pussy hats for the occasion!
I wanted to march:because when birth control is accessible and free, the abortion rate drops drastically; because Planned Parenthood helps catch cancer and STDs before they steal lives; because women have a right to live their lives without fear of assault; because the normalization of rape-culture hurts our society; because climate change is real and we only have this one planet to live on; because when people are healthy, they are productive citizens and our society flourishes; because Black lives matter and people of color shouldn't have to live in constant fear for their lives; because no matter where anyone falls on any spectrum - LGBTQ+, able-bodied or not, no matter their ethnicity, nationality, race, or religion - we all deserve equal rights and equal respect.
I was a little nervous; I doubted that there would be violence or counter-protests in Naples because of the demographics, but you never know! As soon as we parked and walked to the rally site, though, I knew any doubts were unnecessary. The atmosphere was completely peaceful and excited. Men, women, and children milled around taking photos of signs and talking to organizers. A woman on the bandstand played "If I had a hammer" on guitar and sang to the crowd. A few people stopped us for photos and thanked us for coming out.
Waiting for the march to start.
Then we walked to the starting point of the march. Our organizers hadn't been able to secure a permit for us to walk in the streets, so we were going to walk on sidewalks only. Well, it turned out that something like 2500 people turned up (it may have been as many as 5000 - I've heard different numbers).
Gathered and waiting.
It was especially amazing to see so many men and elderly people out marching. At first I was surprised by the older people but then I heard some talking about how they wished more young people understood the gravity of it all. They've been here before and marched before and know what's up, and they think young people are too apathetic. They felt they were getting ready to pass the torch.
This guy was a big hit!
In the streets! The sidewalks couldn't hold us.
Our route went right through a shopping district, and we passed some ladies having brunch and cheering us on in their own way! So fantastic. That's Naples for you!
The route was only 1.1 miles, and about halfway through the police started letting us walk in the streets. They sat back and waved and took photos and directed traffic. They were so awesome!
We chanted as we walked. Most of the cars that passed us honked, waved, and gave thumbs-up. (There was only one angry dude, some guy in a truck who gave us all the finger as he drove by - very mature, truly.) After the march, we joined the rally. Our march sought to be inclusive of people who couldn't march, so they'd had activities and entertainment at the venue already.
A young basketball coach talks about being a safe place for children and students who are concerned about the future.
We listened as a few speakers encouraged us to keep this energy alive, to get out and do the work that needs doing, and to know that our community and our world is on our side.
We have the moral high ground on our side.
I'm so glad I attended. Our march was small compared to those in other cities (like, holy crap, half a million people in DC?! That's AMAZING!) but I was surprised and pleased by the turnout, especially considering we're talking about southwest Florida! It really was a balm to my heart, and now I feel encouraged and hopeful.
I know there is real work to be done, hard work, and hard days ahead. But now I also know I'm not alone. I needed that.
Did you attend a march or rally? Have you been trying to get more politically active lately? Will you participate in the 10 Actions/100 Days initiative? ABK
Guys, this week has been kicking my butt! We've had volleyball four days in a row. I mean, it's a good thing - it means my girls are winning and are moving through playoffs to semi-finals - but I am exhausted and so behind on blogs. Oops.
My Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday this week...plus practice on Thursday. We've gone further this year than ever before!
At this time of year, I usually start planning my New Year's resolutions. This blog was the result of one of those resolutions; for those of you who don't know, learning to run was my resolution in 2009. It was the first resolution I ever truly kept.
It was such a roaring success that every year since, I've put a lot of time and consideration into my resolutions. Then, last year, I took a step back and simplified.
This year felt good. I've felt more consistent and stronger than ever. I think simplification really worked for me. So I'm sticking with it.
I'm not focused on a particular distance and I only have one race lined up (A1A), so for the first time in years I have a lot of freedom. I'm going to keep running and cross-training and getting stronger. I'm probably going to pick a marathon for 2018...Probably. We'll see how I feel!
Anyway, I think I've finally gotten to a point in my running and fitness where I don't feel I need a resolution to help narrow my focus or keep me motivated. There aren't any other areas of my life that need direction or a major overhaul, so this year, I'm over resolutions.
That said, I have some important goals; it's just that my focus has changed. I plan to stay aware and actively involved politically. I plan to keep up my monthly donations to SPLC, HRC, and the ACLU going. I plan to use my privilege to help others as we gear up for the big fight we have ahead of us for the next four years.
I'm putting my money and time where my mouth is. I hope you do the same.
But as far as running goes? Yeah, no resolutions this year...and it feels damn good.
Are you making running/fitness resolutions this year? Are you making other kinds of resolutions for 2017? ABK
How do you write a post about this? A few of you have, and they're honest and poignant and so well-said. I feel so emotionally fragile right now that I don't think I can do the one thing I can always rely on: use my words. So I'm sorry if this is wordy and rambling and messy. This is all my head and heart could do right now.
I am devastated. Over the last few days, I've cried dozens of times. I'm a person who's interested in politics - my parents raised me to care about the state of the world and my impact on it - and because my friends know that about it, it means that my phone was blowing up and my notifications were haywire on Tuesday. I had to turn it off and sit in the dark. I'm still being tagged in political posts and sent messages of "have you seen this?!" and I just am ignoring everything right now because I can barely function as it is.
Tuesday, I fell into a restless sleep until Matt came to bed at 2:30am. I rolled over and asked, "Is it bad news?" And he whispered, "Yes." And then we just clung to each other.
Like grief, it's hitting me in waves. I'm crying as I hear kids as young as 6 and 7 coming off the buses at school, talking about how much they don't like him, that he's mean, that they're scared. Their little faces are so worried and drawn. I cry behind my sunglasses.
I check my phone midday and it's a gut-punch to see his face on my twitter, my Facebook, in texts. Volleyball takes me mind off it; I cry on the way home. I go for a run - it helps a little. I cry in the shower after.
And it needs to be said: white women were complicit in this outcome. He couldn't have won if they hadn't voted for him. A much-too-high percentage of educated white women voted for this monster, and I am ashamed. I will do better to do more next time.
And I - as a white woman whose minority status can so easily be hidden - I don't feel I have a right to be as hurt as I am. But I am not grieving for myself. It does hurt, to know that once more people will choose a man, no matter how truly vile, over an eminently qualified woman. But what hurts more is thinking of those whose lives will be undoubtedly and horrifically altered by this reality.
I think of Elizabeth, who worries for her immigrant husband and step-daughter. I think of Scott and Robby, just months ago so glad they could be legally married anywhere and adopt children in the future. I think of the few Muslim students at our school who have always stood out due to their hijab and who now may be fearful of that fact. I think of the 80% of our students who are immigrants or first-generation Americans. I think of my friends battling chronic illnesses that, thanks to Obamacare, they finally had under control and could afford to treat. I think about my friends' young children and the wasteland our world may become in their lifetime because of climate change denial. Not to mention the global threat of war and economic collapse that we're looking at if this president-elect keeps ties with Russia, flouts the UN, and treats our allies like garbage. I think of the strangers in these situations, people I've never met and never will meet, living in earnest, genuine, and justified fear because of the hatred and violence this man has sown.
This man, who will be our president.
This man, who has the House, Senate, and at least two seats on the Supreme Court on his side. We're looking at decades of damage in our future.
To leave this country would be to let them win, to let regressive policies and dangerous racism take root. I imagine the Jews in 1930s Germany whose neighbors hid them in their walls and beneath their floors and did what they could in the face of fascism, and I want to be that person who will put myself on the line for what is right.
I hope it never comes to that, but this tide of hatred won't be easily reversed.
So what can we do now? Donate to organizations that fight hate. Tell those in your life who may be targeted that you love them and are thinking of them. Touch base with them frequently. Don't be silent. Keep speaking up against the propaganda, the lies, the people who tell you that you must respect this man because now he is president.
I refuse to cower. This election lit a fire in me because I truly admire and respect Hillary Clinton and knew she would be the best president - not just this year, but any year. The harsh reality of her losing proves to me how much we needed her to win, and that we still have a long way to go in this country.
I am heartbroken, but in time I will rise again stronger, angrier, smarter, and ready to fight.
I have some really random things on my mind right now! First of all, I'm thinking about Hurricane Matthew.
It's supposed to be a big one, and it's not on my side of the state, but who knows where it's heading? I'm currently (as of Wednesday afternoon) trying to convince my sister to evacuate and come to my coast, and I'm also waiting to hear if school will be canceled on account of high winds.
MAKE UP YOUR MIND ALREADY!
(Apparently buses can't run if the winds are over 40mph.)
On another note, I got my hands on some Pumpkin Spice Cheerios finally! I like to mix my flavored Cheerios with the regular kind so they're not too sweet. The PS were good, but they really reminded me of the apple cinnamon flavor with less cinnamon. They weren't anything really new.
Oh, here's a fun little thing I want to share...I got to meet Joe Biden on Monday! He was speaking in Sarasota so, despite having driven up and back already Friday and Saturday, I drove up again and met Britt, and we went together! After standing in line for about 90 minutes and then waiting in the auditorium (we almost didn't get in!) for over an hour, he, Bill Nelson, and mayor Fredd Atkins arrived. Biden's speech was invigorating, funny, poignant, and earnest. Basically I love him and he was everything I dreamed!
Britt and I can be seen in the background of this video. I give the newscaster quite the look at one point. (She's in the striped shirt and cap and I'm wearing my white Gay Pride Hillary tank top.)
After the event he shook hands with the crowd, and I shook his hand and looked him in the eye and said, "I met your wife at the All Star Game!" and he smiled back his beatific smile and replied, "You met the best part of my family!"
There he is!
My best selfie haha!
Here he is again!
I wasn't able to get a selfie with him, unfortunately. Hearing him speak live was still such a rewarding experience, even if rallies make me uncomfortable. I love the Bidens!
The last thing on my mind today is about religion. Fair warning, this may get a little controversial...I honestly don't mean to be offensive here - I'm just thinking through my personal bias and thought process.
Driving home from work I passed a van for an electrician that was named ABC ("Abiding by and Believing in Christ Jesus"). Their tagline was "Available 24 Hours, just like Him", which I thought was clever.
Now, the Christians I know and associate with are honest, friendly, dependable, and loyal. Those are traits that would make a great electrician! And if that's how this guy runs his business, then I think that's a really great example of displaying Christian values in all parts of his life.
I think we can all agree THIS is the Christianity we want to see more of in the world.
But the truth is, I have this lingering mistrust of Christian businesses because I worry they'll take the money they make and put it toward causes and campaigns I completely disagree with. I wonder if businesses that are overtly religious or political lose a lot of customers.
FYI, I feel the same way about company trucks with political bumper stickers and the like. I just feel like it's not a smart move to alienate potential customers...but I guess if they believe that strongly, then that's their prerogative, but it still makes me really uncomfortable.
Matt took this photo near his ceramics studio. He was wondering how many customers this bike shop owner had alienated by putting up a Trump flag.
How's that for deep (and random) thoughts this Thursday?
Have you attended any political rallies before? Have you ever met a celebrity? What do you think of overtly religious/political businesses? ABK
A couple weeks ago, my brother-in-law Scott got engaged in just about the most romantic way possible. His boyfriend Robby made him a video as he walked through places in LA important to their relationship. The footage included the phone calls Robby made to my in-laws requesting permission to propose. Then he surprised Scott by showing up unannounced in St. Croix to propose in person. The entire video is here, if you want to watch it. If you feel like crying some happy tears.
I'm sharing this because like Robby and Scott, there were couples in Pulse on Sunday who were planning to be married. Instead of sharing a wedding, they'll be sharing a funeral. One of these young men went to high school with a college friend of mine. This shooting hits very close to home.
I have always been passionate about gay rights. Maybe it's because as a Jewish woman, I've faced discrimination myself and I feel particularly empathetic to those who are marginalized. Whatever the reason, I was a proponent for gay rights before Scott had come out, before my best friend had come out, before I'd even met a gay person.
I can't understand the hatred. I can understand confusion or fear, or even that "ick" factor people might feel before being exposed to gay people and having the chance to realize they're just normal people like everyone else. But the hatred? The need to kill them? That I cannot understand.
I also can't understand the hatred for people of color that is increasing exponentially everyday. We cannot forget that Pulse was targeted on Latin night. As racist rhetoric in this country swings out of control, we can't brush over the fact that the vast majority of the victims were Latino.
Edward Sotomayor Jr., 34 years old
Stanley Almodovar III, 23 years old
Luis Omar Ocasio-Capo, 20 years old
Juan Ramon Guerrero, 22 years old
Eric Ivan Ortiz-Rivera, 36 years old
Peter O. Gonzalez-Cruz, 22 years old
Luis S. Vielma, 22 years old
Kimberly Morris, 37 years old
Eddie Jamoldroy Justice, 30 years old
Darryl Roman Burt II, 29 years old
Deonka Deidra Drayton, 32 years old
Alejandro Barrios Martinez, 21 years old
Anthony Luis Laureanodisla, 25 years old
Jean Carlos Mendez Perez, 35 years old
Franky Jimmy Dejesus Velazquez, 50 years old
Amanda Alvear, 25 years old
Martin Benitez Torres, 33 years old
Luis Daniel Wilson-Leon, 37 years old
Mercedez Marisol Flores, 26 years old
Xavier Emmanuel Serrano Rosado, 35 years old
Gilberto Ramon Silva Menendez, 25 years old
Simon Adrian Carrillo Fernandez, 31 years old
Oscar A Aracena-Montero, 26 years old
Enrique L. Rios, Jr., 25 years old
Miguel Angel Honorato, 30 years old
Javier Jorge-Reyes, 40 years old
Joel Rayon Paniagua, 32 years old
Jason Benjamin Josaphat, 19 years old
Cory James Connell, 21 years old
Juan P. Rivera Velazquez, 37 years old
Luis Daniel Conde, 39 years old
Shane Evan Tomlinson, 33 years old
Juan Chevez-Martinez, 25 years old
Jerald Arthur Wright, 31 years old
Leroy Valentin Fernandez, 25 years old
Tevin Eugene Crosby, 25 years old
Jonathan Antonio Camuy Vega, 24 years old
Jean C. Nives Rodriguez, 27 years old
Rodolfo Ayala-Ayala, 33 years old
Brenda Lee Marquez McCool, 49 years old
Yilmary Rodriguez Sulivan, 24 years old
Christopher Andrew Leinonen, 32 years old
Angel L. Candelario-Padro, 28 years old
Frank Hernandez, 27 years old
Paul Terrell Henry, 41 years old
Antonio Davon Brown, 29 years old
Christopher Joseph Sanfeliz, 24 years old
I'm too angry to sit here and say "pray for change" and "love always wins". I'm so damn tired of the same old script and the fact that within a month we'll have brushed this story aside for other news. I'm enraged that people - family members even - will express sadness over this horrific tragedy but will turn around and vote for the party that has continuously blocked gun legislation that would have stopped this murderer - twice investigated but he FBI and on the no-fly list - from purchasing those same guns he used to mow down 49 innocent people while they were in the prime of their lives. They will vote for the party that supports anti-gay and anti-POC rhetoric.
Write to your congressmen. Write to your senators. I'll be drafting a letter today and sending it to every politician who took money from the NRA and then had the gall to "pray for Orlando" via trite statements on Twitter.
Why can't America see that enough is enough? Gun control works in every other country that has passed it. Why do we insist it won't work here?
I leave you with this. Last night, Matt and I drove up to Sarasota and took his mom to the candlelight vigil in honor of the Orlando victims. One of those victims was Eddie Sotomayer, a Sarasotan himself. The vigil was a balm on aching hearts, and it was a chance for the LGBTQIA community to come together and for their straight allies to show their support.
It was beautiful and moving and poignant and invigorating. But it won't make change. We don't need more hope and prayer. We don't need memes and statistics shared on Facebook, although raising awareness helps. We need legislative change. Please get on board and actually DO SOMETHING.
