Questions to Make Your Brain Hurt

I was wasting some time this weekend reading an article about ridiculous arguments people have had and some of the topics made me laugh. (Sometimes I need to take a break from reading about politics and these silly listicles are the best distraction!) I wonder how many answers to these weird questions we'd all agree on!

1. What color is the bikini in the "Itsy-Bitsy, Teeny-Weeny Yellow Polka-Dot Bikini" song? I always pictured it yellow with black or white polka-dots...but now I'm not so sure!

There really isn't a clear answer!

2. Is a hotdog a sandwich? I'm going to go with no because the bun is one continuous piece of bread... Matt just informed me that sub sandwiches have connected bread so now I have to change my answer. Hotdogs are a specific type of sandwich.

3. Is cereal soup? My first impression is that soup is hot, but gazpacho and some fancy soups are served cold, so...yes?

4. What goes first in a taco: cheese or meat? I used to put the meat in first but Matt taught me years ago to put the cheese in first to help hold the shell together! So now I can see either as being the right way to go! The only requirements with toppings-placement is that cheese has to touch the meat directly so it melts and sour cream has to go on top.

5. Are Die Hard, Home Alone, and Harry Potter Christmas movies? I didn't grow up celebrating Christmas so I could be wrong. However, because these movies are shown on TV during Christmastime, I'm going to go with yes.

6. Are sandals shoes? Yes. This one feels easy, as a Floridian; we wear sandals year-round. And I'm talking basic sandals, not strappy or open-toes heels. What do you northerners say?

These probably take longer to get into and lace than sneakers.

7. Are Cheetos chips? No...they're some kind of crunchy non-chip snack food.

8. Does toilet paper go over or under? Over! I do not know how this is a question because everyone should have strong feelings about this and should get that TP unspools more easily when it goes over.

True story: When using the bathroom away from home, if the TP goes under, I fix it. This might be an OCD thing, but really, I just feel like I'm doing the next bathroom-user a favor.

9. Are you naked if you remove all clothing except your socks? I admit, I thought about this longer than I should have and my answer is long and weird.

My initial reaction is yes because nudity isn't really about feet, is it? But then again, when it comes down to it, how are feet different than any other body part? Is this a societal norms thing? Because some societies don't care about exposure of any body parts, so why would feet count? In those societies, maybe only full nudity counts as being naked. But I guess I have to go with what my personal culture and upbringing has taught me, which is that being naked = exposing the body parts we usually need to cover up in public places, and that doesn't include feet. So...

Yes.

10. How deep can a pan be before it becomes a pot? 3 inches. Huh. I feel really sure about this one.

Also, "sauce pan" is a misnomer as they are clearly actually pots.

Right?!

What are your thoughts on these deep and important questions? 

ABK

That Time I Thought I Had Zika for About 5 Minutes

So, I'm sick.

It's nothing dire, but just bad enough that I need a couple more days of rest. Monday I left work a little early to get my throat checked out and make sure I didn't have strep. As is usually the case with walk-in clinics, it took me about two hours to be seen. This is the conversation I had with Matt to pass the time.

I also texted Elizabeth this photo. Her response was typical - she laughed her butt off at me:

It turns out they had a reason to make me wear a mask...which I kept on for almost an hour in the waiting room before deciding it was too annoying. I can only be so compliant.

Just to clarify, there were approximately 25 minutes between my dismissal of the chance that I had Zika and my freakout about getting a throat swab.

It all turned out okay, though. I survived and I don't have strep or Zika. I was given instruction to rest, drink lots of fluids, and come back if I develop a fever or sores in my throat (ew).

I'm self-medicating by watching Love, Actually and sipping hot toddies. Not much more you can do for a cold! I'm hoping I feel better in time for our long run Saturday morning and our school holiday party Saturday evening.

What's your favorite movie to watch while sick?
Do you go to the doctor, or are you a Matt?

ABK

Runners' Acronyms

My friend and Sub-30 Club founder Ted Spiker wrote an article recently that I just had to participate in. Runners really have their own language, but this is something totally different!

Ted's instructions are to edit the answers to reflect your running life. My answers are below. (The links are references and various Runner's World articles for those who are interested in the acronyms' origins.)

DNS: Did Not Start—No; I've never skipped a race for any reason.
DNF: Did Not Finish—No.
DNRTAL: Did Not Remember To Apply Lube—Oy, yes. The chafing on my bra-line that lasted weeks is a testament to that.
DFL: Dead Freaking Last—Not that I know of!
FFF: Finished Freaking First—Never.
BQ: Boston Qualified—LOL...no.
DQ: Didn’t Quit—Every. Single. Day.

POPOPOP: Pancake on Pancake on Pancake on Pancake—More like WOWOW. Waffle on waffle on waffle...Or COCOCO (cupcake on cupcake on cupcake...)
LYORP: Liked Your Own Race Photo—Yes! I've been lucky enough to have a few good ones.

It's between this one (finishing my first marathon) and the one below (finishing with my marathon PR). How can you not love photos that show the joy and relief of accomplishing such a thing?!

WAMTD: Wore a Medal to Dinner—I've worn a medal to brunch/lunch after a race. But never to dinner.
BTW: Bemoaned the Weather—For sure; about 9 months out of the year, really.

SSP: Shared Shoe Photos—Oh yeah!
TBT: Threw-up By Track—Ha, luckily no!
PR: Personal Record—YES! I'm still basking in joy over my marathon PR last February and my 5k PR in October.
PB: Personal Bartie—Yes! I feel special!

With Bart before the Space Coast Marathon!

CRAP: Certifiably Ruined a Porta-Potty—Haven't we all?
LOL: Leaked On Leg—Although I've tried, I can't seem to pee while in the middle of a run.
OMG: Ordered Many GUs—I've definitely ordered a giant box of Caramel Macchiato Gu from Amazon in the past.

Here's an old picture of Archie guarding my Gu from poachers.

BFF: Blessed with Fast Feet—Some days are more blessed than others.
BRB: Blisters Rubbed Bloody—Luckily no!
WTF: Waddled Through Finish—Not quite.
IDK: Injured Damn Knee—Ugh. Yes. Strengthening my hips and glutes has really helped with that, though.
EAT: Eulogized a Toenail—Yep, and boy was I proud!

I don't think it ever fell off, but it was bruised and nasty until it grew out! Also, how great is the quality on this old photo?!

GPBAJ: Got Passed By a Joggler—Not that I know of!

I'm sure many of you can relate!

Do any of these acronyms apply to you?

ABK

Semantics

Maybe it's in my nature to over-analyze words and their connotations; I simply can't help it. Given that runners are sometimes a bit sensitive about how things are phrased, I thought clarifying some definitions/debates could benefit us.

This one's a hot topic, isn't it? So many runners get offended when they're called joggers!
As Mark Remy has pointed out, the main difference between a runner and jogger is that joggers are the unluckiest bunch in the world; they're always stumbling over bodies in the woods!

A runner, on the other hand, is anyone who feels a lightness and joy in their heart every time they put on their running shoes and step out the door!

I'll admit, sometimes when we talk about "fueling" I get kind of annoyed. What are we, cars?

If fuel is the good food we put into our bodies in the hopes that it will make us strong and power our runs, then food is all the fun stuff we get to eat afterward!

I honestly hadn't given thought to this until recently. I was reading an article (which I just spent 30 minutes trying to find, with no luck) on Runner's World about a marathoner who is offended by the term "half marathon" because it undermines the race distance.

You know, like, it's not just half a marathon. It's a race all its own; a 13.1 mile race! I can see where he's coming from, but I'm not personally offended by it! What do you think?

The last one kind of connects to this. I have the weirdest pet peeve about distances! "I ran a __" denotes, to me, that you ran a race of that distance.

"I ran 5k" means you ran a training run; "I ran a 5k" means you ran a race. I can't be the only one who gets annoyed by this, can I?!

This was a mindset change that I made purposefully. I was so used to hearing that sometimes we just have bad runs, but that we can learn from them and they make use stronger and tougher...But this mentality didn't work for me. It was too negative.

I've re-framed "bad" runs as "tough" runs. I simply don't believe that bad runs exist, unless you end up injured. And tough runs are valuable; they do make us stronger, better runners in the long run (har har). A good runner can and will learn from a tough run!

What running-related words make you cringe?
 
ABK

Sunday Shenanigans

Sunday was supposed to go like this: Matt would get up early and go to his SUP race, and I'd sleep in and go watch once the race was underway.

What actually happened was that Matt backed his car out of the garage and came back inside to wake me up. "There's a strange car in our driveway." A completely trashed strange car, it turned out, with garbage all over the inside, an industrial sized bottle of Grey Goose in the front seat, a high school senior tag on the windshield, and no driver in sight.

Boggled, I told Matt to call a towing company and go to his race.

I really enjoyed live-updating everyone on this debacle!

About half an hour later, the towing guy showed up. I explained that the car wasn't ours, we had no clue whose it was, and we wanted it towed. The guy was like, "This is a first for me." I asked him for a card to leave for the owner if they returned for the car, but in my mind all I could imagine was a hungover high-schooler checking random driveways like in Dude, Where's My Car, because how likely would it be that they'd remember where they parked it?

Who knew this movie was so close to real life?

About forty minutes after that, I was ready to go to the SUP race. I just had to tape the business card to our door...and then I heard it. Voices. A very distraught, shrill girl, and a completely confused and panicked boy.

I listened out of sight for a minute, trying to overhear them and figure out if they were safe to approach. I gathered that he had told her to park the car in our driveway because our house has a security system and a big hedge that blocks the driveway from the street, so it was safe. (Maybe they were at a party and didn't want to park in the street? I don't even know.)

I glanced out. He was shoeless and his mannerisms reminded me of Phoebe Buffay's brother Frank on FRIENDS. She was bleached-blonde, extensioned, over-tanned, tattooed, and generally pitiable. 

I went out. The boy asked me, completely guileless, "We parked our car here last night. Have you seen it?" As if this were the most natural thing in the world!

I told him my husband had had it towed and gave him the business card. I finished getting ready for the race while they stayed in the driveway trying to figure out what to do. I overheard the girl saying, "You're paying the fee! You're the one who told me to park here!" Good for you, girl.

I went out once more to give them bottles of water and to kind of check them out and see if they were safe to leave while I went to the race. They actually asked me for a ride to the tow yard! Of course, I declined. When I left the house, they were still in my driveway.

As for the SUP race, I got there after the start but with plenty of time to see Matt finish. We had lunch out afterward and by the time I got home, the hungover teens had gone.

I felt kind of bad about it, but really, we could've called the cops on them and made things much worse; had they left a note, we wouldn't have had the car towed at all. But hopefully this teaches them a valuable lesson and, in ten years or so, they'll look back on it and laugh.

And I just keep thinking, oh man, I'm old.

Did you get up to any shenanigans when you were in high school?

Do you ever have to deal with wayward teens?

ABK

10 Things You Learn When You Start Running

Earlier this week, my cousin posted an article on Facebook about the ten things that happen when you join cross-fit. I was pleasantly surprised and giggling as I read, not because I have ever tried cross-fit myself, but because every single item applied to running.

In my mind, I happily converted every word the author wrote into a running-related example. Here's my list, partially-plagiarized and tweaked.

1. You will find out how truly out of shape you are. I can clearly remember the beginning of my running days, and how difficult it was to run a full mile...the first few times out, I barely held a "running" pace for a minute before I needed a walk break. Here I was wearing small sizes and thinking I was probably fitter than my friends...and then running humbled me. Running has taught me to never judge others by how they look, because that dude with 30 years and 50 pounds on you may just be able to smoke you in a race.

2. You will realize how fat you and other regular people are compared to real athletes. Even training for a marathon, I avoid calipers like crazy. When I happen to see an honest-to-goodness athlete in the gym (or at a race) and they're 50 years old, toned up, slimmed down, and everything I want to be...Well, yeah. I'm definitely no elite athlete. And that's not to say that normal people are "fat", but elite athletes are seriously in a class of their own!

Keep your dignity intact and avoid these like the plague.

3. You will begin learning the lingo and using it without feeling like a dork:

•  Fartlek
• Tempo
• Intervals
• Pronation
• Repeats 
• Race pace

Need I say more?

4. Your friends and family will start Googling [running] and giving you warnings. If I hear one more person rant on how my knees are going to give out, or how marathoners drop dead at the finish line all the time, I may explode. Recent studies show that runners' knees and joints are actually healthy and strong, and few people die from over-exertion in running unless they have a health condition. It happens; it's tragic; it's rare. Isn't it ironic how the ones giving you the advice are always the worst of the couch potatoes?

5. You will get insanely good at counting. Figuring out your pace for beating a PR, your tempo pace, interval times, your race pace, your 800 pace, etc. takes a little mental math. Not to mention the last couple miles into a long run when you see "10.56" on your GPS and have to figure out how many miles left you have to hit your target of 13!

6. You'll begin to respect endurance and stamina. I mean...do I need to even comment on this? The farther I can run, the more respect and awe I have for those who have been running long distances since before I was even a runner. Every time I hit a milestone, I look up to see someone completing twice my distance. The ability to just keep going? That's truly amazing.

7. You will gain weight at first. Because suddenly you are rungry all. the. damn. time.

Sad truth: there were tons more food pics on my phone than just these.

8. You'll notice an uptick in energy, even when you're dead sore from [running]. The days I was running before work, I'd spend the day zippy and peppy, full of energy from the run. When I take too many rest days, my energy plummets. I know I'm not the only one! Sitting still becomes nearly impossible when in the midst of training.

9. You will learn about your mental weakness. You begin to realize, as you tack on mileage, that certain miles are harder than others. Jumping from 5 to 6 miles was tough, but 7 miles was a breeze. 9 miles was easy, but pushing to 10 - and seeing double digits - was mentally exhausting. Runners are notorious for superstition: the shoes we wear, the colors we race in, having our lucky headband, etc...these are crutches we create to combat perceived mental weakness. The best thing ever is breaking through it.

10. You will learn a lot about your mental toughness. Like I wrote in my guest post on Alyssa's blog See This Girl Run, you've got to just break down your mental barriers and learn to be mentally tough. Nike had it right all these years. Just do it. We are truly capable of doing so much more than we think we can; our minds give up long before our bodies do.

As Matt (my cousin, not my husband) pointed out, these things apply to any sport or exercise routine we undertake, especially if we stick with it long enough.
 

If you want an extra laugh, go read the comments on the original article. They're so negative - like most comments on things of that nature - and I just know that the negativity comes from a place of jealousy and bitterness. Nothing is stopping you, naysayers. Get out there and join in.

What would you add to this list?

What's the #1 "warning" you get about running from friends/family?

ABK

You Know You're a Runner When...

Marc Parent has written an article, like many others before him, on how you know when you're a runner. But this article is different...For some reason, I found myself really moved by it. There's a beauty in his humor, in the simple truths he exposes in the article.

(And the defining moment, for him, is totally understandable, easily overlooked, and pretty chuckle-worthy.)

Put this on your reading list. Bookmark it. Read it more than once. Maybe it was just the perfect time for me to be reassured, but this is truly for anyone who has ever wondered when they can classify themselves as a runner.

The article is here.

While Parent does a great job of breaking down some of the finer points, he didn't hit on everything. How could he? Here are my additions to the "You know you're a runner when...?" question.

1. Your running clothes are in the easiest-to-reach drawer of your dresser...

and the drawer is completely overflowing...

It's important to put your running clothes in the drawer you reach most easily to avoid any extra work in the mornings. I recommend hip-height, of course.

...and the most organized drawer you have. (I actually bother to fold my running clothes...and this is just drawer one of three.)

2. You find yourself stretching at random times...like in the middle of cooking...or teaching a class of 8th graders.

3. You zone out into daydreams about your last run...or your next one.

4. You wish money grew on trees so you could go shopping for running clothes/shoes/accessories every day. (My running wardrobe won't be complete until every outfit is as coordinated as this one.)

At first I was like, "This is unintentional and embarrassing", but then I was like, "OWNING IT!"

5. You find a sick pleasure in convincing your friends to try running, especially when they catch the bug and get addicted.

6. You're more upset with the time off you have to take for an injury than the injury itself.

7. Black or lost toe nails and chafed skin are badges of honor.

8. You have no shame in wearing sneakers or compression socks in public.

Yes, I wore these to school with bright violet shoes. I'm the coolest teacher around, clearly.

9. Your muscles ache when you take too much time off.

10. Even your bad runs are good runs.

11. You find a way to incorporate core-work and cross-training into everyday activities.

This is my classroom computer chair. Core strengthening, baby.

12. Most of the items on your bucket list are running-related.

13. You have seen your city cloaked in darkness, when most sane people are asleep.

Hello, 4am.

14. You are totally comfortable taking awkward pictures of yourself (and strangers) at the gym and in public places...for the sake of your running blog, of course.

At least three gym-rats were giving me the stink-eye as I repeatedly took this selfie until I had the perfect "perplexed-and-resigned" expression.

If I'm being totally honest, I guess I'll admit that maybe this one was more for me than you guys.

15. But in all seriousness, maybe I finally knew I had "arrived" when people started asking me for running advice (without my first bringing up my own obsession), and sharing their awesome running accomplishments, because my running journey had inspired them to start.

From the first person I ever infected with the running bug!

Seriously the best kind of message to get from a non-running friend.

Yeah, that's definitely my #1, A-ha!, enlightenment moment. If so many of my amazing friends think I'm a runner, who am I to argue?

When did you know you were a runner?

Ever find yourself stretching randomly in public?

ABK

Smile! You're Running!

Remember back in the old days of AIM and AOL, when you could design a profile complete with quotes, fancy colors, and inside jokes? A friend of mine always had this one in hers:

"The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it." - Joan Rivers

I wasn't a runner the first million times I saw this quote, but now that I am, I find it running (haha) through my head on particularly brutal runs. I think to myself, "Self, that person driving by thinks runners are crazy. Show them how wrong (right?) they are!" And I slap a big ol' smile on my face.

Smiling through a hard run is a great way to turn it around. So yes, I smile while I run. Take that, Ms. Rivers!

(My natural resting face is quite bitchy looking, and people tend to judge me on that before they meet me; it's almost ironic that my default expression while on a taxing run is a smile.)

I felt the need to toot my own horn a little bit today. For one thing, I set my mind on intervals for day 23 of the streak. Even though the treadmills at my gym don't have a pre-programmed option for speed workouts, I was able to accomplish it, banishing boredom and successfully completing my run.

Borrowed from Remy's World.

I'm feeling ecstatic for being into week three of the RW streak and still going strong. My shin splints are totally gone, and I've been feeling better about pushing my pace and distance this week. Today at the gym I was able to complete my interval run, lift weights, do planks and core work, and do some leg work besides just the run.

All that on my period.

Things that never fail to make me feel badass on a run include running in the rain, running before the sun comes up, and running/working out while on my period.

If I have any male readers, I apologize.

Anyway ladies, remember that regular exercise diminishes symptoms like cramps and bloating. Just another reason to workout!

This post is all over the place. I guess over-exertion is having an effect on my brain. I hope everyone is having a good Tuesday!

Do you smile while you're running?
What element never fails to make you feel awesome on a run?
Share something random with me. Join the random party!

ABK