An Incident at Chattajack

TL;DR: I broke up a fight at Chattajack and I can't stop thinking about it.


When I wrote my Chattajack 2019 recap, I left out the drama of the day.

As I've read more about activism and social justice, I've become more willing to speak my mind. I'm less apologetic and more forceful. Basically, I've internalized a lot of the empowerment/confidence messaging of 4th wave feminism, but I often wonder how I'd act in public if faced with a situation where this kind of strength is really needed. Where confrontation comes to a head.

I got to see it in action last Saturday.

At the start of any paddle race, there are collisions. It's the nature of the start line; with so many crafts at so many different speeds, people just get run into sometimes. At Chattajack, there were a handful, which were mostly taken lightly and as par for the course.

One collision involved Matt's team (K2N) and an OC2.

An OC6 is faster than an OC2, just based on manpower. It's also a much larger boat. K2N found themselves between a bridge piling and an OC2 at the start line, and rather than yield, the OC2 got in their way. The OC6's ama went over the OC2's tail and got stuck for about 10 seconds. The equivalent (for the OC2) would be getting jostled and stuck behind a group of people at the start of a marathon.

(We've since seen video and know that rather than paddle out of the situation, the OC2 steersman tried to lift the ama and deliberately tip K2N's boat, which could have resulted in a broken boat, major injury if someone got trapped between the boat and bridge, or even a drowning. The only reason they didn't succeed is that two K2N rowers realized what was happening and leaned the opposite direction to counter the lift. The gravity of the situation can't be understated. Basically, this was a much bigger deal than we originally thought for K2N.)

There was a lot of swearing and personal attacks hurled between boats before the OC6 peeled off and got on its way.

Matt's team finished in just over 4 hours but we hung around the marina for a long time trying to get things situated. About 5 hours after the start, the enraged OC2's second paddler found us at the marina. He came stomping up to Robert, K2N's steersman, and got in his face. This guy was lanky and tall, taller than Robert and much taller than me. At first, we spectators thought he was joking. It was just so ludicrous to see a 60-something guy trying to fight a friend of ours.

He screamed about how Robert was in the wrong for steering into their boat, literally asking, "Do you think you were right and I was wrong?!" to which Robert replied, "What do you think happened?" (I later learned this all came down to ego more than anything else, because this guy apparently travels to paddle races all the time and works for the Pentagon. He clearly didn't like that Robert stood his ground.)

Robert refused to apologize because he wasn't in the wrong.

The guy threatened to report the team to the race director, a threat at which we all rolled our eyes. Collisions happen. No boats were damaged. What's the fuss?

I told him I had photo evidence of the incident and he laughed in my face before stalking off, perhaps to attempt to find the race director.

Remember that marathon analogy? If you finished the race and then immediately went searching for the group of people who had jostled/blocked you briefly at the start line, that's basically what this guy did. He didn't take the time to celebrate or take pride in his own race; he was single-mindedly searching for the team who got in his way five hours earlier.

Anyway, I thought that it over, but this guy approached us AGAIN twenty minutes or more later, as we stood at my car. He was still yelling and circling Robert like he wanted to get physical.

Matt and I both tried to defuse the situation. I said, "Emotions are running high, but nothing was damaged, it's in the past." Matt said, "Everyone is here to have a good time. It was 10 seconds 31 miles ago."

The guy wouldn't let up. He and Robert were facing off. Suddenly, he made a move like he was going to shove Robert.

Without thinking, I jumped in between them and got in the guy's face. I was so close I had to tilt my head up to look him in the eye, and I felt my body brush his before he moved back. His expression shifted, surprise replacing some of the pugnacious rage. In my best Teacher Voice, commanding and loud but not quite yelling, I said, "STOP IT. YOU ARE A GROWN MAN. WALK AWAY."

I think I may have even wagged a finger in his face.

My entire body was pulsing with adrenaline. I was shaking. The guy finally backed off, shouting, "So is he!" and walked away. I followed him a few steps to make sure he really left.

Afterward, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I had taken a risk, assuming he wouldn't push or hit me because I'm a woman. But I also hadn't actually made a conscious decision to make a move between them. That leap into the middle of the argument happened on instinct.

Now I know that I actually have internalized the messaging that we shouldn't let entitled jerks walk all over us and heap abuse on us. I, of course, thought of a million other things I wanted to yell at him after the fact. But that's not the point. That wasn't a learning moment for that guy; no one is open to hearing about how they'd benefit from therapy and anger management in the midst of an apoplectic tantrum.

But I have thought a lot about the fact that he apparently works at the Pentagon. I have a lot of disdain for men who treat people with such disrespect and cruelty, and I don't think men like that should be representing our country in the military. Obviously, I'm not naive; there's a reason men like him get into those positions of power. But I do wonder what his superiors would say to him almost getting into a physical altercation with a civilian at a recreational sporting event.

I hope when he looks back at his race weekend, he remembers the short little woman who got in his face and shamed him for acting like an immature bully.

I hope, given time, he realizes just what it says about him that I had to do just that.

Maybe someday he'll learn from that. Maybe not. But I learned something about myself, and I'm proud.

ABK

Freedom from Fear (and Shirts)

I've always wanted to be a runner who could run shirtless. I used to tell myself, "One day, when I'm fit enough, that will be me." My primary reason for setting this goal is that running in Florida is hot and every layer makes a difference. You wouldn't think shedding one thin, breathable layer would make much difference, but it really does. My primary reason for putting the goal off? I didn't think I looked fit enough to "deserve" to run shirtless.

Running shirtless is a topic we see a lot in summer, and a couple awesome women in the Sub 30 women's sub-group decided to host a virtual event that encouraged the ladies in our group to celebrate freedom from the shirt on the 4th of July. Men don't think twice about whipping off their shirts when it's hot out; why should we?

When this event was first announced, I decided that if I kept waiting for "one day", I'd never really feel ready. So I decided to run shirtless before I felt ready (fake it 'til you make it, right?), and since that first run I've found it easier to make it a habit. I've felt lighter, cooler, and weirdly...more free.

Real bodies; real women MOVE.

It's been really amazing to see so many strong women with a multitude of athletic accomplishments under their belts shed their shirts and embrace their bodies. I honestly can't tell you how inspired and motivated it has made me. The strength and support of other women in this movement helped me stomp that naysaying voice into submission.

The thing that stops many of us from running shirtless is that we don't think we look good enough to  pull it off. Well, who cares if you don't look "good enough"? What standards are we even using to measure what good enough means?

I'm sick of being uncomfortable when I run because of some self-created fear that people might judge me. If they don't like it, they don't have to look! My body doesn't exist for the eyes of others; it doesn't exist for their pleasure. It's a strong body that has gotten me through dozens of 5ks and 10ks, 10 half marathons, and three marathons. It supported me through Ragnar. It allows me to get up and go to work and live my life.

Looking at the women who participated in this event, it drives home the point that insecurities are rarely about what we actually look like. I don't understand why any of these women are self-conscious because I think they all look great. As they posted their photos, every comment confirmed what I felt: "You look awesome!" "You look confident!" "You look strong!" The stories accompanying the photos were full of self-realization and empowerment. 

I remembered that the flaws we see in ourselves are rarely visible to others.

You wouldn't think running shirtless would be as freeing as it turned out to be...But it is. I've wasted a lot of time hoping to someday be "fit enough" to run shirtless, and now I know that when I say women of any fitness level deserve to wear whatever they want, it applies to me, too.

I talk a lot about body acceptance and appreciating your body for what it's capable of. I need to work harder to apply that thinking to myself. Why not? For all I know, maybe people see me running shirtless and think, "If only I had that confidence."

Somedays I still feel weird about running without a shirt. I know each summer, after winter running dictates I need a shirt due to weather, this will be a renewed battle. But I also know that this kind of confidence (even if I'm faking it sometimes) is contagious, because Elizabeth has followed suit and run shirtless with me a couple times now, and that makes the discomfort worth it...because I want all women to feel comfortable enough to run shirtless whenever they want! 

If my step forward helps others get there, then that's a good thing for everyone. And I couldn't have done it without the community of women who encouraged each other to rock our bodies. Thank you for joining in and inspiring each other, ladies! And a special thanks to the women who were willing to let me share their pictures today: Meaghan, Tory, Tina, Dianne, Cathy, Candace, Patricia, Meagan, Kim, Nancy, Tovah, Kirsten, Chelsea, Steph, Honore, and Kara!

Whether you feel ready or not, taking a step outside your comfort zone is how we grow...and how we grow stronger. I'm glad I've stopped waiting for "one day" and am learning to be comfortable in my skin sooner rather than later.

Do you run without a shirt on?

What's a risk you want to take but don't feel ready to?

When's the last time you left your comfort zone?

ABK