Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Why Health Screenings Suck

This post is kind of serious and kind of sad, so I'm going to throw in funny stock photos to lighten the mood. 
 
When signing up for health insurance every year, our provider has an optional health screening. If you score certain points from the screening (good blood pressure, BMI, heart-rate, etc), you can save money on your policy.

Usually I really don't mind the screenings. As someone who exercises frequently and is fairly healthy, I don't really see it as being stressful or scary. I also think it's nice to receive a benefit for being healthy.

But this year I was pretty annoyed. The problem is so simple it's stupid. I looked at the scale when they weighed me. Usually I close my eyes or I get on the scale backwards. Most women who have dealt with any kind of weight issues or disordered eating understand where I'm coming from. But this year I was pressed for time and didn't stop to think, and when I stepped on the scale, I had one of those moments of utter misery. 
The internet is fully of HILARIOUS stock images of women yelling at scales. Is this normal?! Do real women do this?!
The scale shouldn't dictate how I feel. I've come a long way from letting my self-worth depend on the number that I see there. We have no scale in the house and I literally never know what I weigh. I "monitor" my weight by the fit of my clothes; the last time I checked my weight was a few years ago, and I've assumed I'm still the same weight because I'm so short that when I gain/lose weight, my clothes fit totally differently. So avoiding hard numbers works for me.
Before this scale debacle, I was perfectly happy with how I look; all it took was one look at the numbers to make me question my confidence. That's not okay.
This is all to say that I've had an idea of what I weigh, but haven't checked in a long time, and I've been perfectly happy with my body. But, all that changed when the nurse weighed me at the health screening; the scale said I weighed almost 10 pounds more than I have ever weighed in my life.
Apparently searching "sad vegetables" brings up pictures of veggies that need to be hugged.
I immediately went into that mode of thinking, "How can I possibly lose this weight?" Logically, because my clothes are fitting me the same and I look the same in the mirror, I had a pretty good idea that most of this weight is muscle mass from my recent training. However, the illogical side of my brain was telling me that I can't possibly look good at this new weight and that I must find a way to lose it.

I know that I no longer fit some of my old favorite jeans. I also know that that's because my thighs and my butt have gotten a lot bigger and more muscular since I started running. It's also totally normal for me to not fit into the clothes I wore when I was 19. I know all this; these are things I came to terms with years ago.
But somehow, even though I was fine with all of this before I was weighed, now it matters. And the scale is to blame for that. 
I, too, resort to gymnastics to zip jeans that clearly don't fit my body.
I'm frustrated because I thought I was past the point where weight mattered. Especially because I know that I'm strong, fit, and so much more than just a number on the scale. Especially after all this training and a successful 20 mile run!
Here's the really sad part (as if this wasn't sad enough): a colleague told me later that day that she was sure the scale was seven pounds off. That's exactly how off I thought it was, too. So all this obsession and worry is for nothing, because most likely the scale was just wrong.
I wish that I could just not care. I know the bottom line is that this has taken up too much of my thought process, and that's a problem. I guess I have some stuff to work out in my head that I didn't realize I was still dealing with.
Why can't I just be carefree like this yogurt-eating, staring-into-the-distance lady?!
I wish I had a better way to end this rant. Do you deal with scale-issues?
Any words of wisdom?

ABK

14 comments:

  1. Augh I can relate to a lot of this and I can totally empathize. The logical part of our brain KNOWS we are healthy and fit, we have gained muscle, we are achieving things performance wise that we have never achieved. OUR BODIES ARE FREAKING AWESOME. And then there is the scale... messing with us. I get it. I get every freaking thing you said. And my confession is I TOO don't weigh myself because IF I did, I know that it would start to dictate how I feel about myself. A totally healthy me would be able to see my weight and not have it affect me. But I am not totally healthy about this type of stuff, so no scales it is. I am sorry this happened today and has consumed your thoughts. The only thing I can do is validate your feelings and let you know you are not alone in them!

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    1. "A totally healthy me would be able to see my weight and not have it affect me. But I am not totally healthy about this type of stuff, so no scales it is."

      This is so it, and probably why I'm so frustrated. Here I was thinking I was in such a healthy mental place, and it turns out that actually I haven't come as far as I thought! It does help a ton to know I'm not alone.

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  2. Please don't beat yourself up because you looked at the scale or because of your initial reaction to the number. Recovery is a never-ending process and part of that is dealing with "the after" -- you know, whatever happens "after" we have a negative thought. Years ago your reaction might have led to bad actions or more negative thinking, but now you're able to think rationally about the situation and can get back to a positive place. That's what really matters!

    Plus you're a hottie with a body! :)

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    1. She is a hottie with a body. I had to go back and look at the LBD picture one more time.

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    2. Ah, yes!! You're right; my reaction to the number sucks, but it's my actions that matter, and I didn't change behavior or do something unhealthy afterward. Thank you for the reminder that I actually have made positive strides here!

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  3. I definitely understand where you are coming from - I came so close to sobbing at school because I found out that I was in triple digits for the first time last year. As Kristina said, please don't beat yourself up! You are absolutely gorgeous and running 20 miles is freaking bada$$. But really, you look like a model, you are super sweet, a bomb.com teacher, and yeah - you're awesome.

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    1. It's hard to go through that growth spurt we ladies get as we head into high school. But it's kind of awesome to have a woman's body instead of a kid's body. I hope you're feeling way more confident and comfortable now!

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  4. You look HOT in that photo. That dress is incredibly flattering and those legs! I know this wasn't a post crying for compliments, but seriously, you are beautiful. I completely understand the scale debacle. I, too, spent way too many days weighing myself and then spending the rest of the time being in a terrible mood or obsessing about what I was going to do to get the number lower. Then one day, I just decided to stop weighing myself. Every day in the gym, I go through a moment of the scale staring at me and wondering if I should just check. Then I think to myself, "Why?!" Why would I purposely put myself in a bad mood? I've been the same weight for about 4 years now, all of my clothes are fitting better than ever, and I'm wearing the smallest size jeans I've ever worn. There's no reason why a number should throw off my whole day. Then I go to the weight room, throw around some heavy things, and feel strong and confident instead of weak and deflated.

    You are beautiful, strong, an amazing writer, an awesome teacher, and a kind human being. Those things are SO much more than the scale.

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    1. This is why I "lost" the scale when we moved. Even just seeing it and thinking about stepping on it can be dangerous...usually I just think, "Why would I do that to myself?"

      I love that your weight has stayed the same but clearly you're slimmer/stronger/more muscular because of how your clothes fit. That totally means more than a number!!

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  5. Oh, I so understand this and feel for you. I'm glad you've been getting such positive feedback. A couple of years back I ended up taking the opposite approach to overcome the control I felt the scale had over my self-worth and started weighing myself every day.This has allowed me to see how much my weight can vary over the course of the week and especially over the course of the month (or rather my cycle). And that my scale will say one thing while a doctor's or gym's scale may say another. But that's just what's been helpful for me in my journey. And yes, you are a hottie! But really you know that.

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    1. I used to weigh daily, but it was such a slippery slope for me that I had to go the opposite direction. I think it's great that by weighing daily, you can see how arbitrary the number really is!

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  6. Ugh I relate to this too much...It's amazing how seeing a number can immediately alter how we feel about ourselves. I've had times of feeling empowered because I felt stronger and more in shape, then weighing myself and it all goes out the window and suddenly becomes about the number and not the feel. Before I know it I'm 5 pounds lighter but can't do anything without getting winded...

    But everyone else above me nailed it on the head!! You are gorg, a total bada$$ who can run 20miles, and I'm bet a total inspiration to the kids you teach. I know you didn't write this post for the comments, but as women it's important we all remind each other (and ourselves) that scales suck and we're all amazeballs-strong is the new skinny!! :)

    But seriously--you in that black dress!!!!! =O Perfection!

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    1. It IS important that women stick together and really support each other in overcoming the scale and its stigma. We're so supportive of each other, it makes me wonder why we can't be the same way toward ourselves. It's why I posted the pic of me in the dress...I needed to remind myself that I approve of how I look, no matter the numbers on the scale!

      And yes, the internet images cracked me up!

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  7. PS- Those images from the web are hilarious.

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