The Oldest I've Been & the Youngest I'll Ever Be Again

I'm looking at the end of another decade, and this year I'm feeling pretty introspective. These days, I feel like I know who I am. I accept that I'm brassy, that I'm opinionated to a fault, that I set high expectations for myself and therefore expect others to meet those high expectations as well. In short, in the last couple years I've become a confident woman who knows my mind and speaks it unapologetically.

But I wasn't always that way.

My teens in three words: lost, anxious, lonely. I suffered from crippling social anxiety. Like most teens, I was self-conscious and insecure. I hated everything about myself, from my hair and skin to my awkward sense of humor.

Brittany helped get me through middle and high school and pretty much life in general. Here we are in DC in 2000. Check out my really cool white Baby G watch and disposable camera.

You'd never know it. My defense mechanism was to act confident and a little weird; I wore my weirdness like a badge of honor. I participated in class, went to parties, and played sports, but inside I was falling apart every day. In my teens, I learned that even the people who look shiny and perfect are struggling. I learned empathy because I was suffering myself. I learned that education, reading, and writing could help me escape the world when I was feeling particularly anxious or depressed.

Despite my struggles, I made some amazing friends who are still my touchstones today - they know me better than anyone and, because they've been there since the beginning, I know they'll always be there.

Three words to describe my 20s: adventure, self-realization, growth. It's funny how different your early twenties are from the later twenties. In my 20s, I finally began to see my value and embrace who I am. I discovered my love of and talent for teaching. I had never done anything before that made me feel so useful and valuable. Like I had a purpose. Through teaching, I developed real confidence. When you have such a heavy responsibility on your shoulders, you have to live up to it!

Notes from my students in my first or second year of teaching.

I got married. I bought a house. I traveled. I grew in my career. I made friends and let some go; I learned what real friendship is. I learned to balance my priorities and my budget. I learned to run. I learned to race. I learned what it was to test my boundaries and overcome obstacles that were entirely of my own making.

21 years old and enjoying Barcelona.

My first solo race at 25 years old.

My last leg of Ragnar, a defining moment for me...27 years old.

And now, 30. I'm looking forward to 30. When I see how much I've grown and how much better life has gotten as it goes on, I can only think that my 30s will bring that much more goodness! I'm hoping that this next decade brings more self-awareness, strength, and courage. I'm determined to nurture my friendships and drop those in my life who are detrimental or hold me back. I plan to be a powerhouse.

And I know capping off my 20s in the best way possible means doing something I discovered and learned to love during these last ten years...running a race. See you on the other side, friends!

How have you changed over the years?
ABK

#TBT - Study Abroad

In 2006, Matt used his wiles and manly charms to convince me to study abroad. Our school had a really fair, amazing program that allowed students to go abroad for a semester for the same price as normal tuition. Exchange rate notwithstanding, costs of school would be comparable, and it was an opportunity you'd have to be stupid to turn down.

We chose Edinburgh, Scotland for a number of reasons, but mostly because it offered classes that would count as regular credits for our majors. We spent winter break that year getting ready, and in January of 2007, we were off.

A photo I took of the monitor in the back of the seat in front me during that 14 hour flight.

There were six of us from Stetson going to the University of Edinburgh that winter, and we all traveled together. The first day there was one of the girl's birthdays, so we immediately got up super early to climb Arthur's Seat, a 900-foot "mountain" in the heart of Edinburgh. This was our first experience of Scotland, we were immediately in love.

We climbed it in order to see sunrise when we reached the top.

We spent about six months there, and I'm not sure I could put it all into words. At least, not this many years since. But luckily, I did keep a blog during the adventure, so I can look back and relive it.

During our stay in Scotland, we...

...Spent hours playing poker and goofing off in the dorm kitchen with our new friends.

Matt, me, and John at about 3am one random night.

...Toured the Highlands.

Matt and his friend, the Scottish "coo".

One of many mountains in the Highlands, near Glencoe.

...Went to a traditional ceilidh on my birthday.

I would just like to point out that it doesn't get much sexier than a man in a kilt...and I love that Scottish men own kilts for formal occasions like it's no big deal, because that's what they wear when they get dressed up. (Matt had to rent his, but it's the real thing.)

...Went to Glasgow.

Outside St. Mungo's (among other names...including the High Kirk of Glasgow or, simply, Glasgow Cathedral).

...Spent spring break traveling.

The view from Piazzale Michelangelo in Florence, Italy.

I may or may not have taken this photo illegally in the Roman ruins beneath the streets of Barcelona.

Matt outside La Segrada Familia. This church is freaking impossible to describe.

Stonehenge was more moving and awe-inspiring than I expected. We also went to Bath, which was pretty awesome, too.

Buckingham Palace...I'd been to London before, but Matt never had, so we made a special weekend trip.

Venice, Italy at sunset.

Trafalgar Square in London.

St. Mark's Basilica in Venice.

Matt at the peak of Mt. St. Victoire in Aix en Provence, France.

...Spent St. Patrick's Day in Ireland.

One of our dormmates was from Ireland, and we took advantage of his hospitality and spent St. Patty's weekend with his family and friends.

The morning after St. Patrick's Day night, we climbed Mt. Croagh Patrick in rainy, windy conditions. The photos don't do it justice; it's a really important (and huge) mountain in County Mayo, where we stayed.

Matt discovered what may be the origins of his family name.

Me at the Cliffs of Moher

I truly felt I found myself in Scotland. Everything about the experience forced me out of my comfort zone. It's funny, in a way, because Scotland still feels more like a home to me than Florida does at times. Leaving was so much harder than I ever could have imagined, and for months after coming home I felt displaced and out of sorts.

I came back...different. Stronger, more independent, and understanding just how much there was to see. I'd only scratched the surface while in Europe. I'll admit, I had a hard time enjoying Stetson after studying elsewhere. It just felt small, and I wasn't the same person I had been when I first enrolled there.

Obviously, I can't explain six months of earth-shattering experiences in one blog post...so here's a link to my blog at the time, if you're interested.

Have you ever studied abroad?

Where is your favorite place to travel?

What is the farthest you've ever traveled?

ABK