Things I'm Realizing

When I posted about my running anxiety, a few friends brought up that it may be in relation to my less-than-stellar 5ks this summer and my fear of a repeat performance this fall. Now that I've run my fall 5ks with much better results, my anxiety (in this regard) has definitely lessened.

I've been mulling this over and coming to terms with some things. Here are my thoughts.

My performance at the SUP n Run and Run for Equality 5ks had a bigger mental impact on me than I realized. Logically, I knew the heat was a big factor in both those races being slower than my typical 5k, but the results still altered my perception of my abilities. I was struggling with more self-doubt than I realized, and I felt like anyone watching me go for a run would see that I was a fraud.

May 25 - SUP n Run splits

June 1 - Run for Equality splits

Looking back, these races weren't as bad as I felt they were, but they were significantly outside my usual times.

Because my summer training runs tend to be done at a slower pace, every time I went for a run I faced a fear of seeing slower times on my watch.

Those two 5ks compared to my most recent ones (Phillippi Shores and Game Day) also solidified for me something I've been kind of denying for years: eating "better" impacts how I run, and losing weight has made a difference, too. Most likely the impact here is both mental and physical.

I feel better and more athletic in my mind and it feels easier to get my body moving. When I ran my 5k PR in 2016, I weighed a little more than I do now, but not by much. I weighed less than I did during those two recent 5ks where I struggled so much. I've never come close to that PR again, and I wonder how much the weight gain factors in there.

October 5 - Phillippi Shores "5k"

October 12 - Game Day 5k

As far as that goes, I am maintaining the weight I successfully reached over the summer and am very happy.

Another thing I've had to come to terms with is that I have to let go of the lackadaisical mindset I've been in  - I can't do very little running and expect to stay at the top of my game. That mindset came about after surgery, when I was just so happy to be running at all that I wasn't too bothered by paces or distances. A large part of me still finds the idea of training unattractive, but I also know that if I want to be able to be happy with my race performance at any distance, I have to find a better balance between doing basically nothing/very very little and training hardcore.

I forgot that a 5k isn't "just" a 5k, and performing well takes work.

My pre-run anxiety has subsided. I think I connected it to feeling exposed/judged/like people could see I was a fake because I'd had some bad runs and I was getting nervous about losing my edge forever.

I think I can avoid a recurrence of this anxiety if I keep to a basic running schedule, whether I'm actively training for a race or not. I may not be planning races far in advance these days, but if I want to be able to just pick up a 5k on a random weekend, I need to be in fair shape, especially if I want to avoid the emotional fallout, and consistent running will do that.

I'll continue using the calendar I've started planning for this fall after the season has passed, and it will hopefully help to keep me on track.

It's funny that even after a decade of running, I'm still learning new things about my body and mind. I guess that's one reason running never gets stale!

ABK

Next Up!

I've mentioned this before, but I will not be running the A1A marathon (or half) in 2020. I love that race for many reasons, not least of which is the location (giving me an excuse to see friends and family) and that it has always fallen on a long weekend near my birthday.

Next year, though, A1A is on a different weekend; they've moved it up an entire month to January, in fact. I don't like racing in January because I'm never able to train through the holidays, and because winter break goes through January 8, I hate taking time off work because the month is already cut short.

I thought this meant I'd have to write off a Fort Lauderdale race completely, but then Kristina brought up that she and Adam have run the 13.1 Fort Lauderdale relay and that piqued my interest! I don't feel inclined to run a half marathon this fall, but a half relay sounds fun!

Matt immediately agreed. We had some frustrating issues signing up and I had to go back and forth with the race organizer and the Chronotracks tech support guy for literally months. But, finally, things are set up and Matt and I are registered! I'm pretty pleased with our team name:

Get it?

The race is on Veterans Day weekend, so there's no need to take the following Monday off. We'll stay with Oden, like we always have for A1A, and we'll get to see Steph and the family, though not at the finish line.

As for training...My runs have mostly been 3-4 miles these days; volleyball has started so that's made running a little challenging. I only have a couple weeks 'til race day, including Chattajack, which complicates matters. I'm a little nervous about meeting my training goals for this race, since my timeline is super abbreviated, but here's the plan, starting this week:

Is it weird that I prefer to plan on a calendar rather than using an actual training app?

I can't plan to run on the days we have actual games, but I can run after practices. This year we have the entire week off for Thanksgiving, so I'll definitely be able to use that week to my advantage.

I will be using this Ft. Lauderdale relay as a way to build a base to start increasing mileage for Ragnar instead of looking at the distance as a goal in and of itself. Even still, Ragnar isn't that far out and I haven't been doing any kind of long runs yet, so we'll see how that goes!

My training has focused more on elevation than distance; I hope that doesn't end up being a mistake!

All in all, I'm actually pretty happy that the races I'm interested in this fall increase in distance gradually - it's like I actually planned ahead or something! As I posted previously, I'm also happy to be doing something a little different race-wise this fall and winter. Change is exciting, and in this case, definitely of the good!

ABK

Game Day 5k

After my surprising performance at last weekend's 5k, I decided to do something I haven't done in ages when it comes to a race: I set a time goal. Specifically, I set a pace goal. I had managed to run the abbreviated Phillippi Shores 5k with an average 9:06 pace, and after a successful and steady 4-mile bridge run on Wednesday the following week, I decided to try for a 9:00 pace this last Saturday.

The Game Day 5k is a smallish race near my parents' house once again staged by the Manasota Track Club. (I hoped this course would be measured correctly.) With Matt in Dunedin for another team paddle, it was the perfect race to fill the spot left empty when the Thrive 5k was canceled.

I knew there would be other Skirt ambassadors there and I was also taking over the Skirt instagram page that day, so everything was falling into place.

The race was set to begin at 8am, which is pretty late for a 5k in Florida no matter the time of year, but I was surprised by how cool the weather was when I first got there around 7:30. I checked my app to confirm because I couldn't believe it - it was only 68! Fall is really here!

I had to park about .1-miles from the race; as I was pulling onto the road, I noticed a bunch of runners doing their warmups had paused and were indicating I ought to turn around and park on the side of the road rather than continuing to the venue. Listening to them saved me ten minutes of navigating the overfull parking lot and having to find a farther spot, which would have messed up my morning timing. I was grateful!

Pre-race, feeling some nervous energy!

I parked and walked to the start, where I got my packet and said hello to Wendy and Marjorie. Then I had time to go back to the car, drop my things, put on my bib, and get ready to go. I felt nervous but not anxious.

Once again, there was no tracking mat at the start. I was a little discombobulated because one of my earbuds wasn't turning on, so I was distracted trying to fix that. (Afterward I had to look up how to turn the individual earbuds on and off once they're out of the case, so I'll know for next time!) So, my start wasn't great. I wasn't at the very front of the line and my GPS didn't kick in right away; generally I just felt a little stressed and unprepared when the starting gun went.

This mindset at the start meant I went out a little faster than I should have, but because I had a plan in mind, I reined it in pretty quickly. The majority of the course was shady because of the time of day, but there were patches where the sun was cutting through and already hot. The morning was sticky. This 5k also has a 10k option and I was so glad I wasn't running longer.

As usual, the last half mile of the race was tough for me. It was starting to get hot and I could feel myself slowing down. I have a tendency to take a walk break around 2.6 miles of a 5k; when I felt I may be losing my pace goal at this point, I just told myself to keep running, even if I had to slow down. Just avoid walking. Just finish in a way that you can be proud of.

Here are two blurry screenshots from the finish line video:

The time on the clock when I finished was 28:30, but my watch read 28:19. With no timing at the starting line, I'm happy to believe my watch over the clock in this case.

I can't get over how evenly matched my first two mile splits were!

I sat for awhile just past the finish line on an open stretch of curb. Eventually I saw Wendy and we got to chatting while we waited for some other friends to finish.

We made our way over to the food and celebration area, where I checked my time. I had placed 2nd in my age group! I had hoped I would place top 3, since this is a small race and the faster runners were taking on the 10k rather than the 5k.

Okay, to be fair, the age group was so small and the MTC does awards 6-deep, so I was guaranteed a place, but I was really glad to have earned it.

I went back to the car to put a shirt back on, ditch my earbuds, and grab my water. By the time I was making my way back, I could hear the announcer already calling names for awards!

Standing on a podium sure is fun!

It turns out the ladies in Skirt really cleaned up that morning! We all placed in our age groups, so we waited for all the awards to be read before getting a final picture together and going our separate ways.

Me, Wendy, Marjorie, and Bonnie. This was Marjorie's first race in the 70-74 AG! (She did the 10k and is amazing!)

Despite missing my pace goal by just a smidge and letting the wheels come off in the third mile, I am really pretty happy with this race. I signed up hoping I'd place and I did. I set a lofty goal and nearly met it. I feel like this race and last weekend's have helped realign my perspective on where I am in my training and fitness right now, which was seriously necessary.

I'm sure I'll post more on it later, but I can see now how much my slower 5ks from the summer messed with my head and my perception of my abilities.

Anyway, this was a fun race with an excellent pay-off, and I hope to run again next year!

ABK